|
 |
Family
Events...
“Prepare the child
for the path, not the path for the child...”
By Marybeth Hicks
Last week we asked Family
Events readers to offer advice on taking control of the family calendar
when activities and obligations crowd out family time. Here’s what our
own FE experts had to say:
Just do it. You’ll never have this time again when you are all
together. How many things on your calendar will be important, one week,
one month, or one year from now. If you can’t do that, take time at
bedtime or wake up a few minutes early and spend a few moments
connecting with each of your children. Also, disconnect any technology
and talk. Too many kids are texting or playing video games while being
toted here and there. Talk. — Chrystal
If the calendar has become your enemy, take control using it instead as
your ally: schedule in a family evening and set it aside on the
calendar so nobody in the family can double-schedule by accident. —Kami
You don’t need advice--you already know what you have to do. You must
decide as a family that you want to make time to be a family. Then, you
have to make the hard choices to make that happen. — Sara
Be the parent, not the taxi driver. —Carl
This week's notes from
Marybeth Hicks...
Last summer, with a writing deadline fast approaching, I had to face
facts. I hadn’t been grocery shopping in a couple of weeks and we were
out of food.
Really. No peanut butter. No baked beans. No rotting onions in the
basket at the bottom of the pantry. My family was subsisting on
Cheerios and left over Chinese.
There was no getting around it – we needed a major restocking. With my
husband and college daughters off to work, and me hunkered down at my
computer, I had no choice but to enlist my two younger children, 16 and
12, to do the shopping.
Keep I mind this wasn’t a quick run to the corner for milk and bread.
When you’re out of flour, rice and dish soap, you know it’s going to be
a big haul.
I made a list of groceries (aisle by aisle from the back of the store
to the front, because we women know the layout of our grocery stores
like the streets in our neighborhoods), and then sat down with the kids
for some quick coaching. “No fighting. No Pop Tarts. No bulk candy. And
put it all away when you get home.”
Then, because I knew I wouldn’t resist the temptation to unload
groceries when they returned, I went to the library and set up shop in
a study carrel. When I returned home at the end of the day, I found a
pantry full of staples, a fridge full of produce and a freezer stocked
with beef, chicken and pork. They even cleaned the strawberries.
In my mind, the only remarkable thing about this story is how many
parents think it’s remarkable. Consider that my son is only two years
away from leaving home for college. If he can’t find his way around a
grocery store by now, we have a lot of catching up to do!
Yet many parents are more focused on helping their kids to achieve
success in childhood pursuits, rather than rearing them for
independence and autonomy.
The way to achieve independence is to gradually give our kids more
responsibility as they grow up, and to accept that this process will
include risks and even failure.
But increasingly, the quest for a successful and risk free childhood is
eliminating the chance for kids to learn-by-doing. The result? Kids who
believe they’re not capable of negotiating the world in which they
live.
For example, some school districts now prohibit children from walking
or riding a bike to school on the grounds they’re unsupervised by an
adult. And police have been called to investigate cases of children
simply riding their bikes unaccompanied in their own neighborhoods.
(See more examples at FreeRangeKids.com.
In this environment, parents are unsure of when it’s OK to leave
children at home alone, or let them go to the mall or the movies with
friends, or even answer the home phone. Some parents literally won’t
let their children play outdoors – even in their own front yards – for
fear of “bad strangers” lurking in the bushes.
Responsibility and risk go hand in hand. By gradually helping our
children to take on limited responsibilities when they’re young, we
build their capacity to handle greater responsibilities as they mature.
I won’t lie, one of the hardest jobs in my years as a mom has been
giving my children opportunities to take care of themselves, knowing
that there are inherent risks in the process. Not every attempt at
self-sufficiency has gone swimmingly, either! But I’m certain of this:
investing our children with the freedom to grow in responsibility
ultimately builds their competence, self-confidence and self-esteem.
Each experience – whether it’s a bike ride to a friend’s house, a trip
to the grocery store or even a journey abroad – all prepare them for
the path to adulthood.
There’s an adage that says, “Prepare the child for the path, not the
path for the child.” We can’t smooth out all the roads our kids will
take in life. Better we should raise them up to take good care of
themselves along the way, knowing that they’re strong, capable,
resourceful and resilient.
Thanks for reading and sharing Family Events!
Take good care until next week,
Marybeth
Read it, including this week’s question, at Family Events
|
|
|
|
