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Family Events...
Managing the Media Monster in Your Home
By Marybeth Hicks

Each week, we pose a question and ask for your answers! After all, no one gives better advice than moms in the trenches. Have an answer to share or a question to pose to our community of moms? Send it here. FamilyEventsEditor@eaglepub.com

Question: Our neighbors have a great family and are terrific folks, but the media supervision in their home is pretty lax. I’m concerned that my son is exposed to violent games and movies when playing there that we don’t allow in our home. Should I confront the parents? What else can I do? Tell us what you think on our Facebook page.

“The family is the most basic unit of government. As the first community to which a person is attached and the first authority under which a person learns to live, the family establishes society’s most basic values.”

Last year, the Kaiser Family Foundation released a study that showed the amount of time American kids spend engaged each day with various media grew to an average of 7.3 hours — more if you count “media multi-tasking” (surfing the net while watching TV).

Think of that — the average kid spends more than seven hours a day engaged with media! And that didn’t even include the time they spend texting.

Essentially, this study proves what we parents already know — we’re competing with media for our children’s hearts, minds and values — and we’re not always winning.

As a mom of four teens and young adults ages 13 to 21, I’ve learned to manage the media monster in my home. The biggest challenge for me has never been deciding what to allow for my family, or even monitoring the use of media at our house, but often feeling that no matter what I did to protect my kids’ wholesomeness and innocence, the people who create media content for children and teens are deliberately trying to corrupt them.

It never bothered me to be the “mean mom” who said no to PG13 movies, violent video games, MTV (not just some shows — the whole network!), cell phones for pre-teens, or televisions in the bedrooms. That’s because my rules about media have always reflected my beliefs about what is best for my children. When it comes to assuring their well-being, I’m never worried about making popular decisions — only right ones.

In the past month, MTV — the most widely viewed network among 12- to 18-year-olds — launched a show called “Skins” that has been labeled child pornography by the Parent’s Television Council. This supposed “teen drama” glamorizes promiscuous sex, sexuality exploration, drug use, cigarette smoking, lying, cheating, contempt for adults in authority, and other immoral, unethical, unhealthy attitudes and behaviors.

Years of research have taught us that media content isn’t benign. Kids are measurably influenced by sex, violence, language and attitudes they see in all formats of entertainment media. Yet the people who produce this garbage defend their show by claiming, “this is what teens are already doing.” They refuse to take responsibility for influencing the behavior of our young people with content that can only be described as deliberately demeaning and destructive.

Is censorship the answer?

As Americans, we bristle at the idea of censorship. I’m a newspaper columnist, so I’m especially sensitive to the idea that freedom of speech might be limited based on someone else feeling offended. But that doesn’t mean MTV has a right to exploit and corrupt young people.

PTC has asked U.S. Attorney General Eric H. Holder Jr. and the judiciary committees of both houses of Congress to investigate the show, since the use of underage actors in graphic sexual situations may violate several anti-child pornography laws. PTC also has employed its tried-and-tested free market solution to foiling MTV’s efforts to pollute the airwaves: Pressuring advertisers to drop their funding of smut TV for kids.

On the other hand, I do advocate censorship in our homes. Adults must act as censors or filters of the media that invades our households.

At my home, we view the media like we view the ocean. It’s big. It’s beautiful. And it offers untold opportunities to explore and learn and grow. But it also holds the potential for danger. Just as we teach our kids to safely enjoy the ocean, we mustn’t let them wander into the dangerous waters of popular media without the skills, values and supervision to protect them.

Now that my kids are getting older, I can see that my efforts to monitor the media in our home paid off. They’ve become media literate and know how to choose media content that reflects their values.

How to handle media at home

If you’re trying to manage the media monster at your house, here are a few tips:
Remember it’s your job to shelter your kids from harmful media content. Decide what’s allowed in your house — including how much media time you think is appropriate — and make sure your children know your rules for choosing and enjoying media.

Supervise! Keep the TV and computer in public rooms of the house, and don’t be shy about listening to your child’s music player. Know what they’re watching and listening to and what web sites they visit, and talk openly about the content so your kids know what you like, what you don’t like and why.

Be decisive and stick to your decisions. Don’t worry that your child will be the only one at the lunch table who doesn’t know what happened on “Gossip Girl.” Instead, worry more about the message it could send to your child when you let them absorb media content that is contrary to your values.

Say yes to good stuff! Work together with your child to find positive alternatives in media content. There’s a lot of great media stuff out there that you can support.

You’re not alone!

If you feel like you’re all alone trying to control the beast that we call media, find compatriots! One of the best sources of support is other women and moms. That’s why in addition to this weekly e-letter, we’ve started a Facebook fan page to help us connect with one another. If you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join us here.

As your Family Events editor, my job is to scour the Internet, local bookstores, the mass media and even the school parking lot for advice, expertise and ideas to help us tackle problems like controlling our kids’ exposure to media and other issues that we all face in today’s culture. I’m committed to bringing you timely articles, insightful analysis and plenty of entertaining features to energize your role as a woman, wife, mom, stepmom, grandma, sister, aunt, friend — whatever place you hold in your family!

So again, welcome! I’m glad we’ve connected.

Take good care until next week,

Marybeth


 
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