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Family Events...
Education Reform
Begins at Home
By Marybeth Hicks
Parents and teachers should be on the same team.
Most of us recall a time when parents didn’t question their children’s
teachers. If a teacher called home to discuss bad behavior or poor
effort on the part of a student, his mom and dad were solidly in the
teacher’s corner – and if that student was you, you pretty much knew
you were in big trouble.
That’s not how it works these days. If a teacher calls home – something
most of them avoid at all costs – they’re likely to face an angry,
suspicious, defensive parent who can’t fathom that his or her child is
capable of the behavior that prompted the call. It’s typical for a
teacher to hear, “Obviously, you’ve made a mistake. My son told me you
would be calling but he wasn’t involved. He told me so.”
Rather than see themselves as allies working in the best interest of
children, parents and teachers have too often become adversaries,
pointing fingers and blaming each other for the failure of kids to
behave appropriately and learn effectively.
My take? There’s plenty of blame to go around. But since I’m a parent
who believes first and foremost in taking full responsibility for the
growth and development of my children, I think parents need to step up
and admit a greater share of responsibility for the attitudes, actions
and academic performance of their children.
We need to face facts: Teachers can only do so much. Given the limited
amount of time each day to instruct their students in academic
subjects, they ought not also be expected to instill manners, moral
values, ethical standards, study habits and social skills.
Our schools are not responsible for the instruction of our children –
we are. We choose and use schools to help us accomplish this vital
mission. But to lay the responsibility for our kids on a public or
private school system is to fundamentally misunderstand the role of
parents in the development and education of our children.
Call a team meeting
When my kids were younger, I made a point of chatting informally with
their teachers, with my children present. The purpose of these casual
conversations was to reassure their teachers that I was there to
support them in their dealings with my children. In short: I let them
know I was on “their side.”
Typically, it went something like this, “Mrs. K, I’ve reminded Amy that
you and I are on the same team. She’s welcome to join our team, but she
knows that you and I are working together to help her through the
coming school year.”
Speaking in parent/teacher code language, I let my children’s teacher
know that a phone call, note or email to me about my children would
prompt a supportive response. I’d be holding my kids accountable to
behave in the manner their teachers demanded and expected, and I
wouldn’t be running in to defend my kids’ poor behavior or accuse the
teachers of misjudging them.
Talk about a great strategy! When they feel supported, teachers are
naturally more willing to take the time and effort to help kids
succeed. And when they believe they won’t be assailed, blamed, accused
or maligned by parents, they’re more candid, more caring and more
connected.
What’s the goal, anyway?
We all want our kids to grow up to be responsible, caring, well
educated citizens who are prepared to make positive contributions to
their communities and the nation we all hold dear. That’s the ultimate
goal!
But we need to take stock of our style as parent-educators. We can’t
rely on the schools to teach the things we should be imparting in our
homes. And we can’t be so quick to defend our children that we
undermine their respect for their teachers and administrators.
Statistics show our schools are in crisis. They aren’t educating our
kids as we expect, or as our children deserve.
Teachers aren’t perfect, and some are in over their heads. Who better
to support them and solve the problems facing our schools than
America’s moms and dads?
Thanks for reading and sharing Family Events!
Take good care until next week,
Marybeth
Read this article, including last week’s question and answers, at Family Events
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