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Editor’s Note: Tired of
the rhetoric on Issue 2? Take a deep breath and enjoy a little election
“tongue-in-cheek,” courtesy of the Cleveland Plain Dealer...
New Issue 2 campaign
slogans and other missed opportunities in 2011
The 2011 election was supposed to provide voters a respite from
hardball politics, sandwiched between the contentious midterm election
of 2010 and the exhausting presidential campaign of 2012.
Thanks to a fight over a new collective bargaining law, the Buckeye
State is filled with misleading slogans, ridiculous recorded phone
calls and commercials that cater to the extremes.
So, as a public service before Election Day, I’m writing a few
commercials, mottoes and flyers for this and the other statewide ballot
issues. I’m also highlighting a couple of overlooked local races.
Like an actual campaign, I disavow any responsibility for the facts
while asserting that what I’m doing is legal, even if a bit slimy.
First up is Issue 1. It Raises the maximum age when a judge can become
a judge from 70 to 75. Supporters say the current age limit forces good
judges out of office for no good reason. Critics say it’s in the
public’s interest to avoid an abundance of elderly judges, especially
as the demands of a crowded court system increase.
My commercial opens on two employees at a home improvement store. In
their late 50s, they are frustrated that that their previous corporate
employers laid them off to hire younger and cheaper labor.
“I hear judges want to hold on a little longer, stay relevant, pad
their retirements,” says one employee as he ties his orange smock.
“Wish I had that chance and guarantee,” says the other, as he tosses a
small nut into a bin.
The camera freezes on the nut as a voiceover delivers the tagline.
“If judges want to keep working, tell them to join the rest of us at
Home Depot. Vote No on Issue 1.”
To promote the pro-side of this issue, I am using a glossy mailer. It
features a picture of a dozen indistinguishable judges in black robes,
their faces blurred. The copy is simple and to the point.
“Tired of voting for judges you know nothing about? A ‘Yes’ vote on
Issue 1 means you will be forced to pick fewer new ones.”
The more controversial Issue 2 limits collective bargaining power of
public employees and changes rules that help unions organize.
Supporters say it will save cities money by forcing public employees to
contribute more to their benefit plans. Critics argue the law doesn’t
save money and will hurt the quality of services.
My commercial opens with Marlene Quinn, the Cincinnati great
grandmother featured in anti-Issue 2 ads and later spliced into
pro-Issue 2 ads. She is riding a Harley-Davidson Fat Boy, racing toward
a tour bus driven by Gov. John Kasich, the top official behind Issue 2.
The two are locked in a game of chicken.
The commercial cuts to a close up of Quinn’s hand twisting the
throttle. It then cuts to a close up on Kasich’s foot punching the gas
pedal.
Just before the two collide, a narrator interrupts the action.
“This is what happens when two sides refuse to compromise. Paid for by
the coalition for forgotten moderate voters. To watch the end of the
commercial, go to youtube.com/jackassthemovie4/ohiopolitics.”
My Issue 2 campaign also harnesses the power of bumper stickers, which
better speak to the basic motivations of each side.
“Stick it to the unions, Vote yes on Issue 2.”
“Stick it to John Kasich, Vote no on Issue 2.”
Issue 3 changes the Ohio constitution to allow Ohioans to opt out of
the federal Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act. It also
prevents the establishment of any future government-run insurance
exchanges in the state. Supporters say its preservers health-care
choices. Critics argue its partisan campaign will have no impact on
federal law while having negative unintended consequences on state
health care rules.
Recorded messages, known as robocalls, work best for this campaign. And
one script should do the trick.
“Hi. This is the Tea Party. Remember us? We mattered in the 2010
midterms. We have lost our cache thanks in part to the hooligans
running the Occupy Wall Street movement.
“But please hear us out. Issue 3 blocks all the terrible things brought
on by Obamacare, which won’t actually take full effect for years.
“But trust us. It is filled with Trojan horse attacks on liberty, such
as the provision that allows children to stay on your health insurance
until they turn 26. Give them health care and they will never leave
your home! Vote “Yes” on Issue 3.”
The statewide issues have distracted voters from two important
Cleveland contests, the race for Cleveland Municipal Court judge and
clerk of courts. Both are non-partisan races and feature long-time
incumbents who have virtually no chance of losing.
In the judicial race, incumbent Angela Stokes lacks the endorsements
from professional bar associations. So, I’ve created a simple billboard
slogan to highlight her other strengths.
“Did I mention my name is Stokes?”
Earle Turner, whose unremarkable and lazy tenure makes a case for
converting the job into an appointed position, will only lose if voters
forget to cast ballots.
So, I’m going with a large banner to be hung from the Justice Center
downtown on Election Day.
“Please show up at the polls, even if I don’t show up for work.”
Read this and other articles at the Cleveland
Plain Dealer
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