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“Verity - the quality or state of being true or real; Balderdash – nonsense.”
Miriam-Webster Online Dictionary

Verities & Balderdash
The Post Turtle
Edited by Bob Robinson

‘Tis the season for political humor. Needless to say, the vast majority of emails received from readers are regarding the current administration. Check out the following collection if you’re ready for a chuckle or two. If not, take a pass. You’ve been warned.


Solving the Budget Problem

To help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs.  Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home.

I started to cry when I thought of you.

Then it dawned on me... oh, darn... I’ll see you on the bus!


The War against Al-Gebra

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as she attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the woman is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

He did not identify the woman, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

‘Al-Gebra is a problem for us’, the Attorney General said. ‘They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.’ They use secret code names like “X” and “Y” and refer to themselves as “unknowns” but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, “There are 3 sides to every triangle.”


The irony of it all
 
Isn’t It Ironic?  The food stamp program, part of the Department of Agriculture, is pleased to be distributing the greatest amount of food stamps ever.
 
Meanwhile, the Park Service, also part of the Department of Agriculture, asks us to “please do not feed the animals” because the animals may grow dependent and not learn to take care of themselves.


How many will pass this test? (Not political)
 
An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.
 
She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!”
 
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed... “Yes! Yes! I won, I won!” She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly parted.
 
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?” The other answered, “I don’t know - I thought you were watching.”
 
Moral of the story…

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb... but all men... are men!


The Post Turtle

You’ve got to love this rancher’s outlook and common sense approach to life…
 
While suturing up a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher, whose hand had been caught in the gate while working his cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama, and his being our president.

The old rancher said, “Well, ya know, Obama is just a Post Turtle.”

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked,

What’s a “Post Turtle?”

The old rancher said, “When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a post turtle.”

The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor’s face so he continued to explain.

“You know he didn’t get up there by himself, he doesn’t belong up there, he doesn’t know what to do while he’s up there, he sure as heck ain’t goin’ anywhere, and you just wonder what kind of idiot put him up there in the first place.”



 
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