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“Verity - the quality or state of being true or real; Balderdash –
nonsense.”
Miriam-Webster Online Dictionary
Verities & Balderdash
The dumb things
that people do
From bored.com
Time for a little pre-election humor…
Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending
pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand
of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the
two hapless protesters to death.
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking
frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards
the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current
she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking
his arm in two places. Till that moment he had been happily listening
to his Walkman.
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil
spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most
expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers
and applause from onlookers. A minute later they were both eaten by a
killer whale.
Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter
bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it
was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
From the British Sunday Express…
Rubber Cushion:
To John Bloor, who mistook a tube of superglue for his hemorrhoid cream
and glued his buttocks together.
Crimewatch Cup Gold star:
To Henry Smith, arrested moments after returning home with a stolen
stereo. His error was having tattooed on his forehead in large capital
letters the words "Henry Smith." His lawyer told the court: "My client
is not a very bright young man."
Silver star:
To Michael Robinson, who rang police to deliver a bomb threat, but
became so agitated about the mounting cost of the call that he began
screaming "Call me back!" and left his phone number.
Lazarus Laurel
To Julia Carson, who as her tearful family gathered 'round her coffin
in a New York funeral parlour, sat bolt upright and asked what the hell
was going on. Celebrations were short-lived, due to the fact that Mrs.
Carson's daughter, Julie, immediately dropped dead from shock.
Silver Bullet
To poacher Marino Malerba, who shot a stag standing above him on an
overhanging rock -- and was killed instantly when it fell on him.
More Dumb Things from around the world…
A man in Clifton, Colorado apparently got so caught up in his "Tomb
Raider" computer game that he forgot he wasn't supposed to use a real
gun. Sheriff's deputies confiscated Douglas Miller's shotgun after he
fired it at his computer screen.
The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons,
setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.
A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by
the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded
the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he
lacked "intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance
package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence...
A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for
giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann
reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy... not to be confused
with the "zero-intelligence" policy.
Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that
destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly
installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last
year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole
my new security system."
More than 600 people in Italy wanted to ride in a spaceship badly
enough to pay $10,000 a piece for the first tourist flight to Mars.
According to the Italian police, the would-be space travelers were told
to spend their "next vacation on Mars, amid the splendors of ruined
temples and painted deserts. Ride a Martian camel from oasis to oasis
and enjoy the incredible Martian sunsets. Explore mysterious canals and
marvel at the views. Trips to the moon also available." Authorities
believe that the con men running this scam made off with over six
million dollars.
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?"
the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her
husband!"
A 25-year-old Argentine man pushed his 20-year-old wife out of an
eighth-floor window after an argument, but her fall was broken when her
legs became entangled in power lines below. A police spokesperson told
the state-run Telam news agency that when the husband saw the woman
dangling beneath him, he apparently tried to throw himself on top of
her to finish her off. He missed, however, and fell to his death.
Meanwhile, the woman managed to swing over to a nearby balcony and was
saved.
Pierre Beaumard, a French factory worker suffering from various
obsessional fears and an inability to relate to others, decided to join
a therapy group. Mr. Beaumard was encouraged to sandwich himself
between two matresses, and allow other group members to walk on him to
"stamp out his complexes." After several minutes of this treatment,
Beaumard was crushed to death.
Officials from the Occupational Safety and Health Administration
inspected their own offices and cited themselves on three safely
violations.
French farmer Michael LeMond shot himself in the foot when he opened
fire on what he thought was a ghost.
In Clearwater, Florida, a 70-year-old man was killed while sunbathing
in a lounge chair at the beach, when a bulldozer ran over him.
These things could never happen in Ohio, right? Read on…
Police in Madison Township, Ohio, cited Kim Hansel, 37, for public
indecency after someone complained she was mowing her lawn topless. She
put bandages and leaves on her breasts and went back to mowing the
lawn. Prosecutors dropped the indecency charge, but a judge fined
Hansel $40 for disorderly conduct because she turned the riding mower
around in the street after drinking.
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police
station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead, and calmly
asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which
he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man
had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker
power drill, and stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.
Members of the First Church of the Nazarene in Ironton, Ohio, held a
record burning after evangelist Jim Brown told them that the song "A
Horse is a Horse" - the theme song from the Mr. Ed show - contained
satanic messages when played backwards.
And the kicker of the day from a CNO reader…
Everyone, meet Donna. Donna has some problems. Over the last few years,
she's been involved in several deer-related car accidents, and with her
frustration reaching a tipping point, she decided to call Fargo, N.D.,
radio station Y94 to voice her complaint on deer-crossing signs.
Namely, why are people placing the signs in high-traffic areas? Donna
wonders: Shouldn't we be encouraging deer to cross the road in
low-traffic areas rather than on highways? The radio hosts calmly try
to explain the actual purpose of the signs, but Donna's not having it.
"The government can guide deer to lower traffic areas," she says. We're
sure they're working on it, Donna. Thanks for your call.
Read the complete list of dumb things people do at Bored.com
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