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What made you,
YOU?
By Jenna LeMaster
Communications 121
Edison Community College
What has made you who you are besides life experiences and the people
you surround yourself around? Have you ever thought from the day you
were born that the way your parents communicated with you could
influence the rest of your life? For myself I think it has played a big
influence in my life.
I needed to learn and experience if other’s parents communication has
made them who they are. I have interviewed 15 adults from the age
of 22 through 27. I have chosen four of the people to share with you
their life styles and experiences of communications with their parents
or guardians.
The first woman I interviewed was named Lisa. Lisa is a very bright and
positive person. She had a great childhood and positive influences
around her all of her life. Her parents would take the family on
vacation and had wonderful communication skills throughout her life.
She described her mother as “loving, helpful and positive.” Lisa
explained to me how well her relationship had been with her mother and
father. She even told me how at a young age her parents would take her
out for dinner and communicate with her about friends, boys, sex and
how to not listen to peer influences. They always communicated with her
about colleges and every experience she went through in life. Lisa
turned out to be a good loving mother who really enjoys her life. Lisa
truly believes that the way her parents communicated and loved her made
her who she is today. She will give them all the credit for the
wonderful and caring person that makes her Lisa.
The second would be Ryan. Ryan had a good life after he turned ten.
From the age of birth until ten years old Ryan grew up with an abusive
dad and a victim mother. His life was surrounded around being
scared and angry. When I asked Ryan what his most memorable
communication moment good or bad was with his parents he told me “When
my dad was telling me and my brother that my mom was a nasty whore and
that she would never amount to anything. That’s why I beat her ass
every night because God would want me too.” I was in shock when
he said that and couldn’t imagine what’s going through your head when
you’re six and your dad is telling you all of this. Ryan and his family
got away from the dad when he was 9 years old. He knew from that day
that he would never talk to women or his children the way his dad did.
When asked what his goals were as a child his response was “To never be
like my real father. “ Ryan had nothing good or positive to say about
his real father but on the other hand he thought the world of his step
dad. From day one of meeting his step dad he felt a love and connection
he had never experienced. Ryan’s step dad would take Ryan out to play
sports, movies, fishing and hunting. He said he could communicate
with his step dad very well and he went to him for advice. Ryan is also
still very close to his mom and ever since she married his step dad
they have a great relationship and were even able to communicate about
everything that happened in his childhood. He wishes he could have
protected his mother more when he was a child but knows all of this
happened for its own reasons. Ryan now has turned out to be a
hardworking an adult who just bought his own house. He knows that the
way he communicated with his dad shaped him as person because he never
wanted to follow his path. Ryan also doesn’t think he could have gottn
through all the pain of the abuse if his mother didn’t communicate with
him.
The third person I interview would be Mark. Mark was a hard person to
understand at first. Mark is incarcerated at the London Correctional
Institution. I first interviewed Mark through my survey that was typed.
I asked Mark who he grew up with as a child and it looked like he just
started writing names mom, Aunt Dawn, Uncle Rick, Mary, 5 foster
parents and just a list of a bunch of different people. Mark explained
to me his life as a child was not normal to me but I think part of him
thought it was normal. Mark grew up in a home where his father robbed
houses for a living and his mother sold drugs. His father was abusive
and mean and always had a girlfriend living inside the home while his
mother lived there. Mark said at the age of 5 he remembers sitting in a
car while his dad and Uncle D went inside someone’s house they came out
running to the car with 5 guns. Mark asked his dad what was doing with
the guns and he told him he was just really needed to borrow them.
“Borrowing” things became a part of Marks vocabulary and lifestyle.
Mark began stealing from people when he was only 7 years old, after his
dad found out Mark was going into random people’s homes and stealing
things he made him a part of his team. He was using a 7 year old child
to help commit felony crimes. Mark said at the time of doing it he
didn’t realize how bad it was until his dad started telling him it had
to be kept a secret. Mark’s dad would only mostly communicate
with him about robberies and money. He said he doesn’t once remember
his dad telling him he loves him or asking anything about his life.
Mark’s dad went to prison when he was 9 and has never talked to him
since. Mark’s mom, on the other hand, was very loving and cared very
much about Mark and wished his dad would never have brought him into
all of these horrible things as a child. Mark says his mom always used
to kiss him and tell him very nice things. He said he was very close to
his mom and she knows him better than anyone in the whole world. Mark’s
mom did care about her son but I don’t think she ever wanted the best
for him. Mark’s mom was a known drug dealer and Mark said that soon
after his dad was in prison, his mom was having him be a part of the
drug business. He was sent to people’s houses and to meet up with
people for her. Mark admits to knowing his way around drugs and even
knew what every drug pretty much was. He believes his mom communicated
well with him. I think she was communicating with him and being there
for him but was teaching him a bad way of life. Mark had to move in
with family when his mom got busted for selling the drugs and went off
to prison. Mark said he hated everywhere he lived and that nobody
understood him. Mark went in and out of foster parents and juvenile
jail systems the rest of his life. Mark has brought four kids
into this world and says he would never teach them anything his parents
taught him. He says he communicates with his kids through the phone and
one visit a month. Mark will spend the next 15 years in prison because
he grew up believing robbing houses was normal. If only Mark’s parents
could have communicated with him better he could have been somebody.
It’s not that his parents did illegal things that made him turn out
bad; it’s the fact that his parents told him what they were doing was
okay and made him a part of it.
The fourth person would be Rachel. Rachel was a funny outgoing person
when I met her but as soon as I started asking her my questions she
would get very emotional and it almost seemed like she didn’t want to
open up to me. At the end of the survey she said, “Can you please throw
that survey away and can we start over?” I kept the first one and the
second one. In the first interview she is making her life sound like a
relaxing hot air balloon ride, where life is just perfect. The second
interview is the honest interview and where she lets the real her show.
Rachel grew up in a very wealthy home where she had the white picket
fence dream. Everything on the outside seemed to be perfect. Rachel had
all the best clothes, accessories, cars and friends. What I
noticed that Rachel didn’t have was self-pride. Rachel told me
how her parents always fought. It was like an every night thing;
sometimes she would be scared, sometimes she would be happy, sometimes
she just didn’t know how to feel. Her mom was an alcoholic and
her dad worked hard to support the family and the mom’s money spending
problems. Rachel’s parents would always tell her she needs to go on a
diet and be more active so she could be as skinny as her sisters are.
Rachel’s worse memory of communication is when her parents took her and
her friends shopping and her mom was picking out all kinds of cute
dresses for her friend Sarah. Rachel asked her mom to help her pick out
a dress and her mom said make sure you choose something black so it
hides your fat rolls. Rachel says ever since that day it has changed
who she is. Rachel then developed a bulimic problem. She was making
herself sick every day. She said she had never felt fat until her
parents told her she was. She told me her parents never really
had anything positive to say to her. The principal had called Rachel’s
mom about her making herself puke and the mom acted like she cared to
the principal but when talking to Rachel about it she said, “well you
have to lose the weight somehow.” Rachel grew up as an adult thinking
she was fat when she wasn’t and was killing herself slowly over it. Now
that Rachel has gotten help for the problem she chooses to keep her
parents out of her life. She knows if they would have been positive
influences she would have never gotten the bulimic disease. She would
have been happy with herself. Rachel’s parents chose to communicate
with their daughter in a negative way that caused her to do negative
things towards herself.
I know that there are a million other people out there that have
similar experiences to Lisa, Ryan, Mark and Rachel but I think if we
can take one step at a time, we can show parents that the way they
communicate with their child from day one can shape the child as an
adult. We have to start doing something about it and protect the
innocent. Everyone deserves a good life and I know everyone makes their
own choices but sometimes you are taught something you never know you
learned. Communication between a parent and a child is everything.
So did the way your parents communicate with you make you the person
you are today?
While some editing may have been done for grammar or clarity, the
choice of topic and discussion in this and other Communication 121
student Term Projects is solely the result of the research completed by
the student. Read the County News Online introduction for these papers
here.
http://www.countynewsonline.org/community/2013/jan/edison-com121-intro.html
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