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Family Events...
A threat to
civilization as we know it
By Marybeth Hicks
They’re everywhere and you simply cannot escape them.
They follow you to church on Sundays. They sit behind you on airplanes,
in restaurants, even in the waiting room at the doctor’s office. They
disrupt family reunions and afternoons at the park.
They’re the unwelcome but ever-present subtext to countless moments of
irritation and unpleasantness. And now that it’s spring break, they’re
out with a vengeance, just waiting to raise your blood pressure and
steal the peace of mind you hoped to find with a good book at the pool,
or under an umbrella at the beach, or while enjoying a movie with your
kids.
It’s not politically correct to admit that you don’t like them, but
let’s face it... our culture is suffering because of them and someone
needs to do something.
That’s right. I’m talking about other people’s obnoxious children.
Case in point: While enjoying a visit to the rooftop-dining patio of
our favorite Mexican restaurant, my daughters and I spent a good
portion of our evening enduring the noise and antics of the children at
the next table whose games included “Drop Tortilla Chips and Ice Cubes
onto the People Below.” Meanwhile, mom and dad chatted as though their
children were not pelting innocent passersby from above.
Begging the question, How could you not notice your children throwing
objects at other humans? More to the point, Why would you not stop
them? Why would you sit there and do nothing?
But nothing is exactly what those parents did, and everyone else at the
restaurant suffered because of it (not to mention the folks walking
around with tortillas in their hair).
Nobody’s kids are perfect
Now, you might say, “Hey Marybeth, easy for you to be critical. Your
kids are getting older. Some of them vote. You’ve forgotten what it’s
like to deal with wee ones.”
No. I haven’t forgotten, and children don’t necessarily outgrow the
propensity to thoughtlessly irritate the people around them. I feel
sorry for you if you get stuck sitting next to my son on an airplane as
he does that nervous leg-bouncing thing. But we’re working on it.
The point is, we’re working on it. As a parent, I’m well aware that my
children are capable of annoying others because, guess what? They
sometimes annoy their parents! It’s our job to help them grow in
thoughtfulness of the people around them.
I’ve asked several mom-blogger friends why they think so many parents
simply let their kids run amok in public, seemingly oblivious to the
impact they’re having on others. One mom thinks it’s a reflection of
parental guilt - folks with busy work lives and stressed out schedules
tend to cut their kids too much slack because they want what little
time they spend with them to be pleasant.
Some parents treat their kids more like friends than children and don’t
assert authority over their behavior. Still others simply don’t know
what to do to get their kids to “listen” (I’d start by using the word
“obey” instead!).
Then there are the parents who seem to have an uncanny ability to tune
out their children’s misbehavior and believe the way to solve the
problem is for the rest of us to tune out, too. Unfortunately, if
you’re the one with salsa on your head, that’s easier said than done.
When is it time to speak up?
Most of us have been in situations where we’ve struggled not to blurt
out a strong word of discipline to someone else’s child. When the disks
in your spine are throbbing thanks to the child in the row behind you,
kicking your airplane seat from coast to coast, it’s all you can do not
to yelp. (But don’t. They’ll land the plane and kick you off.)
What can you do? Sometimes an obvious glance, coupled with an audible
sigh, are enough to send the signal, “Begging you to get your kid under
control.”
Other times, you might need to speak up, but if so, always direct your
comments to the adults, as in, “Folks, could you get your kids to stop
tossing ice over the balcony? You may not have noticed they’re hitting
people below.”
Compassion, as always, is the key. Give parents the benefit of the
doubt and always speak cheerfully, in a voice that says, “We’ve all
been there,” even if you know in your heart your child would sooner
have climbed naked into an ice maker than thrown frozen bombs at
strangers.
If a lack of discipline lets children get away with unacceptable
behavior, they’ll conclude the world revolves around them and they
won’t learn consideration or respect.
Parents don’t always know what to do. The answer? Do something.
Thanks for reading and sharing Family Events!
Take good care until next week,
Marybeth
Read it with last week’s answers and this week’s question at Family Events
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