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Family
Events...
Studies
say learning to lie is a sign
of intelligence
By Marybeth Hicks
8/11/11
I’ll
never understand why children try
to lie their way out of things. They’re terrible liars.
Case
in point: I once asked my son if
he put the dog out to do his morning business. My son said “yes,” so it
seemed
odd the dog was scratching at the back door.
I
opened the door to offer the pup a
second chance, thinking maybe his little canine kidneys were working
overtime,
only to discover fresh, white snow covering the back steps. No dog
tracks, no
yellow evidence of doggy relief — only the obvious proof my son lied to
my
face.
Child
development experts reassure us
that lying comes at age-appropriate intervals. A recent study from
researchers
at the University of Toronto says lying is evidence that kids are
developing
intelligence.
In
the study of 1200 children aged two
to 17, only 20 percent of two-year-olds were capable of lying, while 90
percent
of four-year-olds demonstrated this ability. Lying skills peak at about
age 12.
(Or
whenever you shout from the
kitchen, “Who left the dirty dishes on the sink?” and all of your kids
reply,
“Not me!”)
Lying
is, in fact, normal
developmental behavior. First, kids lie to get what they want. Later,
they lie
to stay out of trouble. Supposedly, they grow out of it.
Here’s
my problem with this theory:
Some people don’t grow out of it. As children, they lie to their
teachers to
avoid detention. Later, they lie to the Grand Jury to avoid
incarceration.
These people are called “liars” and they’re everywhere.
Plus,
I believe a nine-year-old who
lies about something minor, like putting his dog out, will absolutely
lie at 19
about where he was until 4 a.m. and why he smells like a Texas
roadhouse.
This
is why I used to make such a fuss
when I ask my son if he brushed his teeth. He always said “yes,” while
layers
of plaque encrusted themselves to his otherwise pleasant smile.
It
was obvious as my children grew
through those truth-challenged years that I had to remain vigilant on
the
importance of personal integrity, not to mention hygiene. If I was
going to be
successful in bringing that boy up to have solid character, I had to
respond
more forcefully each time I caught him lying.
I
recall that the episode that put me
over the edge involved his sloppy attempt to sneak contraband into
school —
Sharpie permanent markers. When I confronted him, he said he didn’t
know where
they came from.
The
way I reacted, you’d have thought
he was a regular villain on “Law and Order.”
I
got a full-blown sermon going, my
vocal chords inflamed, veins bulging out of my neck. I told him he was
ruining
his relationship with me because I couldn’t trust him. I told him his
deceitful
behavior was getting to be a bad habit.
I
even told him he was a lousy liar
anyway, and he lied about things that were just plain stupid. “Dumb and
dishonest is no way to go through life,” I concluded. OK, it was a
little
harsh, but if your mom won’t be straight with you, who will? He got
over it.
I
remember he spent a whole day on the
dark side of a mother’s love. Not even an unsolicited offer to take out
the
garbage could get a smile out of me.
Later
that night, he gave me a note.
“Dear Mom, I’m writing you this letter to say that I am very sorry that
I lied
to you... I know it’s important to be trustworthy.” It was signed “your
loving
son.” As though I wouldn’t know it was from him.
I
remember telling him, “You’re going
to make a lot of mistakes in life — we all do. Just don’t make the
mistake of
losing your integrity.”
After
all, while the ability to lie
may demonstrate our kids are smart, telling the truth shows they are
also
children of good character. What could be more important?
Thanks
for reading and sharing Family
Events!
Take
good care until next week,
Marybeth
This
week’s question: What do you do
when you catch your kids in a lie? Is it a big deal or do you believe
children
will outgrow it? Share your insights on our Family Events Facebook page.
To
read last week’s answers and
respond to this week’s question, go to Family Events
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