Family Events...
Taking the risks out of childhood can lead to anxiety
By Marybeth Hicks
July 22, 2011 

I remember standing in my kitchen giving directions to the babysitter when my daughter shouted for me urgently from the back yard. “Mom! Help!” 

I looked out the window and saw her perched on the crossbeam of our swing set, balancing precariously 12 feet above ground. I leaned toward the kitchen window and calmly called back, “You’re fine. If you got up there you can get down.” 

Missy and I talked for a few more minutes, ignoring the persistent call for assistance from outside. Finally, I strolled to the yard and stood under the swings, talking my daughter through the process of climbing to safety. 

Honestly, the only reason I recall this episode is because Missy reminded me of it years later, when her own daughters were old enough to take risks. “I’ll never forget it,” she told me, “because that was the kind of mom I wanted to be — one who was willing to let my kids take risks.” 

Now, if you’re reading this story and you think I was nuts or neglectful or naïve, you’re entitled to your opinion. But that same daughter had the courage to travel overseas for several months of study in college, and ultimately to move to a big city and find her way as an adult, and I would argue her confidence to do those things developed, in part, from the times in her childhood when we didn’t come to her rescue. 

Is American childhood too safe? 

This week’s headlines include this one: 

“Today’s playgrounds may be too safe, critics warn” 

Too safe? It turns out that the societal desire to eradicate risk from American childhood may be resulting in a generation of anxious, wimpy young adults. Experts say without the chance to get hurt and recover, children don’t learn resiliency, coping skills and perseverance. 

Moreover, swing sets and climbers offer several aspects of play that children need to develop confidence. Ellen Sandseter, a professor of psychology Queen Maud University in Norway, says kids need playgrounds to overcome fears. 

“After observing children on playgrounds in Norway, England and Australia, Dr. Sandseter identified six categories of risky play: exploring heights, experiencing high speed, handling dangerous tools, being near dangerous elements (like water or fire), rough-and-tumble play (like wrestling), and wandering alone away from adult supervision. The most common is climbing heights.” 

Apparently, Dr. Sandseter says equipment needs to be high enough to be challenging or else kids will be bored by it. (I guess leaving my daughter at the top of the swing set was good parenting after all!) 

Adults, not kids, are the scaredy cats 

Playgrounds didn’t become super-safe because kids clamored for rubber surfaces and rounded corners on the equipment! The reason for the push for safety is the fears of parents and other adults. 

But what parents gain in reassurance our kids lose in life experience. Moreoever, that urge to protect kids on the playground has surfaced in virtually every aspect of childhood, with parents protecting children from virtually every sort of physical and emotional risk.

It may be time to ask ourselves exactly what we’re afraid of. The job of parents is to make ourselves unnecessary! 

Maybe it’s time to take our children out and find a tree to climb. Just remember, if they can get up those branches, they can surely get back down again. 

Thanks for reading and sharing Family Events! 

Take good care until next week, 

Marybeth 

This week’s question: Our culture seems to promote the idea that good parenting means hovering over your child 24/7. Do you struggle to let go and give your kids some freedom and responsibility? Do you know overprotective parents whose kids are on the way to full blown anxiety? Share your insights on our Family Events Facebook page. 

Read the story and responses to last week’s question at Family Events