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Family Events...
A little bit spoiled
can be a big problem
By Marybeth Hicks
Editor’s Note: Family
Events with Marybeth Hicks is not local, but I’ve made an editorial
decision to post it as Opinion rather than Blog because of the content.
It’s worthy of note to all Darke Countians and as a family forum, it’s
apolitical… or at least it should be.
A couple of weeks ago, this headline caught my eye: Apple iPhone games
for children rack up shocking bills. Turns out the free games for
children available on iTunes contain in-app purchase opportunities –
enhancements that make the games “more fun.”
Which means young players of Tap Zoo could spend $99 on a bucket of
coins to buy animals and build a safari. (You read that right –
ninety-nine dollars, not ninety-nine cents.)
Most folks reacted to this story with the sort of outrage you’d expect
– “How dare Apple create a sneaky mechanism to exploit children and get
their hands on more money from mom and dad?”
I reacted a little differently: Why are little kids connected to the
iTunes store in the first place? Oh! It’s because they have their own
accounts, in order to enjoy the many features of their own iPod Touch
devices. And iPhones. And personal laptop computers.
Parents are complaining about their children’s access to online
spending, but let’s face it – these are the same parents who put the
devices and access into their kid’s hands in the first place.
The repercussions of
spoiling our kids
Consumerism is so ingrained in our young people that their materialism
no longer seems odd or unusual. For example, it’s simply a given that
more than 80 percent of teens and 60 percent of tweens own cell phones.
But did you know 22 percent of children ages 6 to 8 also have them?
In only two generations, children have become one of the largest and
most lucrative markets for exploitation. Not only do they have
discretionary dollars to spend – to the tune of some $4.2 billion
annually – but they also wield enormous influence over the spending
habits of their parents and grandparents. And since they’re the future
spenders of tomorrow, marketers work hard to condition their spending
habits today.
But marketers are getting a whole lot of help from parents, and the
impact on our children is evident.
Spoiling our children – that is, buying them nearly everything they
want, more than they need, at their request or without being asked – is
contributing to the attitude of entitlement that our kids often exhibit
in other areas of their lives.
Parents cite all sorts of reasons for spoiling kids – they want them to
“fit in” with their friends, they want to make up for being too busy
with work or other obligations, they think making their kids happy is
most important, and sometimes, they just don’t think it matters.
But spoiled kids miss out on the chance to develop attitudes,
behaviors, and competencies around working, saving, making plans and
setting and achieving their goals. If we give kids everything they
want, they’ll keep wanting more and more because the “wanting” is part
of the process of looking forward. It’s the trigger for making goals
that must be accomplished through personal effort.
Unspoiling is more than
saying “no”
I once was asked in an interview just how parents could say “no” to
their children, especially if kids were unaccustomed to being denied
what they want. I was actually confused for a second and said, “Wait...
you want to know how to say ‘no’? Well, at our house, we do it like
this: No.”
We need to remember that saying “no” to our children often is in their
very best interests. If we’re committed to doing what is best for them
– what’s right and will reap the most reward in the future – we MUST
say “no.” Often. And mean it.
But there’s more stopping the cycle of spoiling our kids than just
saying “no.” We need to regroup on the issues of money and materialism.
Perhaps a family meeting is in order, when you sit down and say, “We
want to change the way we make decisions about buying and owning stuff.
We want you to enjoy the challenge of getting things for yourself. You
deserve the satisfaction that comes with setting a goal for yourself
and saving to achieve your desires.”
This skill isn’t just important in consumer habits, but in all facets
of their lives. So it’s a big one that we must teach if we want our
kids to be genuinely happy.
The term “spoiled brat” used to be among the worst insults that could
be hurled at a child. These days, it’s a phrase emblazoned on t-shirts
and worn with an odd sense of pride.
If you’re feeling like the National Bank of Mom and Dad, and not a
parent whose hard work and provision are appreciated by your children,
perhaps it’s time to step away from the credit card and remind the kids
that all the stuff in the world can’t replace the happiness that comes
from not needing any of it.
Thanks for reading and sharing Family Events!
Take good care until next week,
Marybeth
Read it with the Question of the Week at Family Events
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