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Broke Wife, Big City
Give
it a breast already
By
Aprill Brandon
In
case you guys haven't heard yet, I'm pretty much the best person on
the planet.
It's
true. I mean, sure, Pope Francis had some good moments this year. But
when it comes down to it, no one can compare to my pure and humble
unselfishness. My pure, unadulterated courage. My pure and utter lack
of pride in how completely amazing I am.
In
fact, I'm so amazing, I feel bad for everyone else. No matter what
anyone ever does from here on out, they'll never compare to me.
So
just what have I done to deserve the title of Best Person Ever, you
ask?
Well,
I...(cue dramatic church organ music)... am planning on
breastfeeding.
OK,
OK, perhaps breastfeeding alone doesn't necessarily make me the Best
Person Ever (pretty sure I'm still in the Top 5 though). But judging
from how people react when they find out I'm planning on
breastfeeding once I pop this kid out, it does automatically put me
in the category of Better Person Than You.
Yes,
apparently any woman who breastfeeds in this day and age deserves her
own parade, carried through the streets on a litter by the lowly
parents who decided to feed their children formula.
I
can't tell you how many times I've heard the following:
"Good
for you! You're going to be such a good mom!"
"Breastfeeding
is tough. You're so brave for making this decision."
"You're
obviously the superior parent. Will you raise my children?"
And
that's all from just planning on breastfeeding.
But
here's the thing. I don't deserve all these accolades. One, because
even though I want to breastfeed, it doesn't necessarily mean I'll be
able to or that I can hack it as a breastfeeder. Many women stronger
and tougher than I have tried and failed.
Two,
here are the reasons I decided to breastfeed, in order of importance:
1.
Cheaper than formula.
2.
Will help me lose weight.
3.
Good for the baby or some junk.
And
three, while breast may be best, our society has gotten out of
control with the judging act regarding those who decide to bottle
feed.
Seriously,
I've heard people compare using formula to child abuse. I have
friends with babies who have had to sit through lectures from
strangers about how selfish it is that they aren't breastfeeding. And
God help you if you can't breastfeed for medical reasons but then
don't spend your life savings to buy breastmilk from some hippie mom
you found on the Internet.
Sadly,
as I'm quickly learning, the breastfeeding debate is just the front
line in the bigger conflict known as the Mommy Wars, where every
parent feels they know not only what is best for their child but what
is also best for your child.
And
I'm about to enter the fray woefully unarmed.
But,
truth be told, I’m kind of glad I’m unarmed. Because I’d rather
just assume you’re doing what you think is best for your child and
I’m doing what I think is best for my child. And regardless of what
we are actually doing, chances are still high that neither one of
them will turn out to be a serial killer.
And
if we’re REALLY lucky, neither of them will grow up to be that
know-it-all co-worker who interrupts every conversation with “well
actually” either.
Can’t get enough of
Aprill? Can’t wait until next week?
Check out her website at
http://aprillbrandon.com/
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