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Broke Wife, Big City
I am an
inferior woman! Hear me roar!
By Aprill Brandon
Ugh. Why? Why do stupid people have to keep saying stupid crap, making
me dust off my soapbox YET AGAIN?
Now I have to go looking for it YET AGAIN and …(grunting sounds)… it’s
probably buried under a huge pile of dirty onesies and empty wine
bottles and ...(rummaging noises)… I could be using this time to do
something much more productive …(floor scooting squeaks)… like drinking
wine while doing laundry.
…(out of breath wheezes)… All right, let me just dust this bad boy off
and step up …(more grunting sounds)…
I don’t know if you’ve seen it yet, but there is meme making its way
across the Internet that brings a whole new level to the term “Mommy
Wars.” Allegedly created by some religious group, it essentially tells
women who have given birth via cesarean section that they are weak and
didn’t “actually” give birth and that they should bow down to the
superior women who did have what it takes to have a vaginal birth.
And angry female rant in 3…2…1…
Only in a country that so devalues its women can the idea that having a
baby via major abdominal surgery be considered lazy. Can the idea that
being sliced open and having a nine pound baby plucked from your womb
before your organs are returned to their rightful place and you’re
literally sewn back together be considered the easy way out. Just look
at that inconsiderate lady, lying on her back, letting her doctor do
all the hard work of ripping her body apart and plunging his hands deep
inside her farthest recesses while she is fully awake.
Chicks, man. Am I right?
I feel this should go without saying but obviously it doesn’t, so, here
it goes. There is no easy way out of giving birth. There are only two
choices and they both suck. Because you either have your baby’s head
ripping an exit through your vagina or you have a scalpel ripping an
exit through your lower stomach. Both involve a lot of pain, a lot of
fear, a lot of blood and a whole lot of strength.
And sure, I can understand on some level how a woman who had a natural,
drug-free birth might want an extra pat on the back. And I’m more than
happy to tip my hat to her. Cause that is some Wonder Woman-level of
strong right there. Especially when you can, such as in my case, holler
for a nurse at 3 a.m., grab her by the lapels and gently but firmly
yell directly into her face “GIVE ME THE DRUGS!” and ten minutes later
some guy is shoving a very large needle through your spine.
However, all of us moms went through the same war. And none of us are
less of a hero for how we fought in that war.
And while I’m hoping that the person or people behind this ridiculous
meme are on the far, far, FAR fringes of society, it can’t be denied
that we as a country have an unhealthy attitude toward reproduction and
all the baby-havin’ in general. Hell, take the actual reproductive
cycle itself. We treat periods like they are the most shameful thing a
woman can admit to.
Is that a tampon I just saw fall out of your purse!? A blood stain on
your pants?! A commercial for feminine products!? On the TV where
anyone can see it!?
AVERT YOUR EYES, CHILDREN (even though none of you would exist without
the presence of a monthly period)! BURN THE BLEEDING WITCH! OR AT LEAST
MOCK HER MERCILESSLY!
And then there’s our whole “I guess you can have an entire six weeks
off to heal your traumatized post-pregnancy body while also keeping
your tiny infant alive but we sure as hell ain’t gonna pay you for it,
ya bum” attitude.
We belittle stay-at-home moms and yet in the same breath say working
moms are selfish. We insist that true moms breastfeed their children
but oh dear god, woman, not where I can see it. Gross. We want to know
why you haven’t lost the baby weight yet but also why are you at the
gym and not at home spending time with your baby?
Moms truly are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. But this
particular meme is perhaps the cruelest way we’ve thought up to punish
moms yet.
Babies are born every day. But to the woman giving birth, it’s a
miraculous, painful, beautiful and utterly terrifying experience. And
no one should have the right to take that away from her.
No matter how the baby finally gets into her arms.
Can’t get enough of Aprill? Can’t wait until next week?
Check out her website at http://aprillbrandon.com/
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