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Help kids
manage emotions
By Dr. Melissa Martin
Television commercials shown during annual sports events are meant to
evoke emotions. Feelings help fuel our decisions to buy. Babies and
puppies promote warm and fuzzy feelings. Humorous commercials stir up
laughter. Brave soldier commercials move us to tears. Emotions are
powerful motivators for children, adolescents, and adults. An essential
life lesson is learning to manage emotions in our relationships.
Being human means we possess a gamut of emotions; it’s part of our
hardware. Feelings are not good or bad, but neutral. We need emotions
for passionate living. However, emotions out of balance can trigger
hurtful words, rowdy reactions, and disrupting behaviors. And sometimes
feelings can be fickle, but emotions are not the enemy. Feelings are
messengers that desire our internal issues.
Where are emotions produced? The Limbic System, an area in the brain,
houses emotions. The exact spot is called the Amygdala, an
almond-shaped area. Saying, “I love you with all of my heart” needs to
be changed to “I love you with all of my brain.” Emotions are not in
your heart—the heart pumps blood.
Children are fascinated with the brain models I have in my play therapy
room. Our brains are in charge of thinking and feeling and our bodies
are in charge of doing and responding. I teach children to identify,
label, and express their feelings appropriately instead of screaming,
hitting, biting, and throwing toys. Raging outbursts, excessive crying,
and intense emotional reactions serve a purpose and I help parents and
kids explore and examine thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. And make
changes.
Emotions show up in the body. An angry child may clench teeth, squeeze
hands into fists, and posture the body taller. A sad child may hunch
the body over, push out the lower lip, or lay the head down. Feelings
and physiology are partners in the dance.
Helping, teaching, and role-modeling human emotions begin at birth.
Children are born with the innate ability to cry so caretakers will
feed them and provide love and attention. Without emotions human beings
would be robotic. As children grow they observe and imitate emotional
responses of adults. Lots of Feelings, a picture book, by Shelley
Rotner shows photographs of kids and helps children to identify
feelings on faces.
Teenagers can learn to manage feelings and tame tongues because the
brain is in charge. Nobody grabs your tongue and makes you scream at
others. Nobody pinches your tongue and makes you cuss. Nobody makes you
say unkind words to others. Your tongue is attached to your brain. Who
owns your tongue? You are the manager of your emotional actions and
reactions. Develop a plan to monitor feelings. Keep a daily record of
your emotions and behaviors for one week. Write down what happened
before, during, and after emotional situations. Explore and examine
your feelings and responses. Develop an approach to be a self-manager.
Be patient with yourself. It takes time to make changes. Feelings come
and go and ebb and flow. Feelings are temporary and can be managed.
“This problem will pass and I’ll feel better” and “It’s okay. I can
stand it anyway.” These self-talk statements explain that feelings are
manageable.
What would humans be like without emotions? Robots. Feelings help us to
experience joy and pleasure. With our emotions, we process sadness and
pain; frustration and anger; fear and anxiety. An important mental
health message is to learn to experience, understand, process, express,
and manage our emotions and to help our children do the same.
Dr. Missy, Ph.D., is a feelings helper, child therapist, play
therapist, consultant, educator, and self-syndicated columnist. She
provides therapeutic services at Affirmations, Columbus, Ohio. Contact
her at melissamartincounselor@live.com.
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