the bistro off broadway

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Answering Life’s Biggest Questions
Throw in the towel and dump the homework
By Abigail Fischer and Katie DeLand

Dear A+K;

Is April too early too give up on caring about school?  I am completely burned out on all things homework, projects and extracurricular.  Please tell me this is okay.

Sincerely,

Schooled Out


Dear Schooled:

In fear of enraging every school teacher out there, we will play it cool and tell you to stick it out until the very last bell.  But reallyyyyyy.....

Throw in the towel!  Toss it high!  Burn it and do a crazy summer dance around its ashes.  Once the first crocus emerged and we spotted the first robin, our homework cares disappeared.  Activity logs?  A science project?  Mandatory reading?  Half-hearted at best.  After all, spring has sprung!  This really only translates into one thing: our kids can go outside!  Hallelujah.

In September, we had our structure.  We had our rules.  We had incentives, charts and high praise.  Our kids knew that once the school bus dumped them off at our driveway, they were to come in like obedient soldiers, dig out the day's math facts and come to us for a signature.  Fast forward to late April when we literally ban our kids from entering the front door.  We relish in the sound of freedom/fighting streaming through the open window.

Now, we are't going to be ridiculous about this shirking of duty.  Summer school sounds as traumatizing to us as it does to them, mainly because it would involve buckling up siblings twice a day in June.  Spelling words are still practiced, but we simply just can't care about the forgotten "ph" in "symphony."  And three rounds of popcorn word practice just aint' happening. With this newfound spirit, the family accord has never been happier.  Our kids look at us like we have nine eyes when we say things like, "Nah- no need for flashcards right now.  Go out and wreck your scooter!" and our husbands sit braced,  just waiting for the other shoe to drop and the yelling monster to re-appear.  We aren't completely sure of who we have become, but not sitting through 35 minutes of piano practice hell sounds pretty good right about now.

Lunch boxes are another story.   While we still bribe, cajole and threaten our kids to pleaseeeeee try the cheese soup, they refuse, making the morning routine that much more eventful.  While October packed lunches looked colorful, nutritious and properly proportioned, end-of-year brown bags make the school dietician shudder.  Lunchables suddenly don't seem so processed, and you reason that there are probably some vitamins embedded in those goldfish crackers.  You throw in some grapes that the half squishy, knowing full well your kids will snobbishly pawn those off in the nearest garbage can.  The lunch box itself carries a strange smell, probably stemming from the unidentifiable stains in the lining. 

A mom's job in May is simple:  to collect homemade Mother's Day gifts, buy your kids' exhausted teacher a gift card of some sort and figure out how to neutralize those strange odors.

Sincerely,
A+K


 
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