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Answering Life's Biggest Questions
Faceless
advised to keep cool on Facebook
By Abigail Fischer and Katie DeLand
Dear Abby and Katie:
I am having a social media crisis- a very real love/hate relationship
with Facebook. On one hand, it's great to keep up with my college
roommate and her blossoming family, but on the other it makes me hate
her for her constant work-out updates and new car purchases. Am I just
a jealous person or is this a problem bigger than me?
Sincerely,
Faceless on Facebook
Dear Faceless:
We understand. We understand alllllll too well. Social
media took our culture by storm, and now, it is hard to know what we
would do without constant newsfeed updates in the palm of our
hands. As with most things in life, moderation is key and there
is etiquette in the virtual world, as well:
1. Simmer, people. Facebook is not the venue for family
flare-ups, political debates or marriage drama. Unlike your
mean-spirited junior high pen pal letters the have long been tossed,
cyberspace is forever.
2. Work it, gurl... sans selfies. We get it- you worked out
this morning, drank your protein shake and then power-squatted your way
into work. Awesome! Sweaty pictures, screenshots of your
mileage or a counter full of veggies is not something we want to see 7x
a day/everyday. Let us eat our Oreos guilt-free for once.
3. Enough with the crafts! So your "child" crafted his/her
Valentine's box out of organic spaghetti noodles and homemade
playdoh. Isn't little Junior still in preschool? Must be
crazy gifted. For the rest of us, we plan on dashing into Dollar
General tomorrow night, buying something pre-made and possibly
customizing with stickers (contingent on length of American Idol
commercial breaks).
4. The inspiration! We all love uplifting or philosophical
quotes, but every three hours makes it eye-rollingly excessive. What's
worse is when you, the reader of these proverbial words of wisdom,
start to think they are directed at you and you go into a prepubescent
drama tailspin. Why does she think I wouldn't stick by her side
through earthquakes and high heaven? And THEN you remember....you
actually haven't had any personal interaction with this person in four
years. Moral of the story: If you're mad at someone, have a
direct and in-person conversation. We're too busy looking at the
beautiful sunset in the picture to read the quote and profess guilt.
5. Online businesses. It seems like all you have to do
these days is log on to your account and voila, it's a magical market
place. Need cleansing oils? Facial wash? Organic
bubble gum? Someone--your friend!--is selling and has ALSO
invited you to their upcoming open house! What luck. Word
to the wise: respect your "friendships" and keep the capitalism
at a minimum.
6 Conflicting Communication. For the final piece of advice,
obey the etiquette and respond to our texts before becoming live on
Facebook. Especially when we texted you an hour ago, bleeding to
death and looking for a tourniquet, and your "read receipt" shows that
you not only received, but digested this request. Have a heart
and save mine ours before posting that Throwback Thursday
pic.
A&K
Katie (Davis)
DeLand (pictured) and Abigail (North) Fischer are both born and raised
Darke County natives. They became fast friends and bonded over
sippy cups, baby weight and ridiculous societal expectations.
Follow along as they share these real-life perspectives to some of
life's biggest questions.
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