the bistro off broadway

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It’s that time of the year
By Susan Olling

Yes, the annual Tidal Basin Weed Festival is almost upon us, a four-week ordeal that some will avoid like the plague.
 
What does this bring?  Lots of tourists tying up our little subway system or trying to drive to see those dratted trees.  The hordes of school groups are in a class by themselves when it comes to being tourists.  No pun intended.
 
Not that our little subway system can’t find ways to create havoc for riders.  On this morning’s commute (14 Mar), three lines through downtown D.C. were not running due to an early morning tunnel fire in one of the downtown stations.  Delays from this latest episode of the Metro follies were still going on during the evening rush hour.  But I digress.
 
One of the local papers ran its yearly article about the Weed Fest filled with all sorts of helpful suggestions for getting around the mess at the Tidal Basin for the next four weeks.  It always gets lots of laughs in our house.  Mainly because the people who should read it probably don’t.  We’ve offered the same suggestions, as well as others, over the years to people who plan to be tourists in D.C. regardless of the season.   I’ve mentioned them in past installments, but they’re worth repeating.
 
Use public transportation.  Please.  Even though the Weed Fest starts the tourist season, and the trains will be crowded until Labor Day, our little subway system is a much more logical choice than driving.  There are some things to keep in mind while using Metro, however.  Fare gates no longer accept paper fare cards, and paper fare cards are no longer sold.  You get to purchase an instant souvenir:  your very own SmarTrip card.  Put enough money on it for a round trip.  The lines at the fare gates can be very long with people trying to figure out their fares and how to use the machines.
 
Try to stay off the trains between 8:00 and 9:00 a.m. and 4:00 and 6:00 p.m. on weekdays.  Why?  The trains are filled with commuters during these periods.  Tourists and commuters can be an unpleasant mix for both groups at the height of either rush hour period.  My sympathy’s with the poor commuters.   I have long memories of being on weekday Metro trains with tourists who want to make conversation or loudly wonder why the trains are so quiet.
 
Ah yes, this brings me to some all-important Metro etiquette.  Two simple, but important, things to remember.  First, when you’re on those moving stairs, stand on the right and walk on the left.  Second, when it’s time for the train doors to close, don’t try to keep them open so more people can get in the car.  Metro train doors are not elevator doors;  they don’t bounce back.  In addition, if the doors don’t or can’t close, the train could be disabled.  The result: y’all have to get off and wait for another train.
 
Driving is not a good option to get to those trees.  Lots of traffic, and there’s very little parking.  I repeat, use public transportation.  You’ll have to do some walking, but isn’t that what feet are for?   It’s hard to stifle a laugh when I hear tourists complain about “all the walking” they’ve done.  Folks, it’s just two miles from the Capitol to the Lincoln Memorial.  Walking’s great exercise.  If the whine-fest gets too loud, the Circulator Bus is an option.
 
Check your attire before you leave your hotel room.  Tourists give themselves away with what they’re wearing.   Mr. History could write a few chapters describing the fashion statements he’s seen down there.
 
You’ll encounter lines of people everywhere.  Deal with it, or visit in January.  
 
Tickets have been needed to get into the Washington Monument for over twenty years.  Tourist ignorance, in this age of electronic toys, is not an excuse.
 
To those who complain about their federal tax burden, here’s something to keep in mind.  The Smithsonian Institution Museums and the National Zoo, the National Gallery of Art, the U.S. Botanic Garden, the Capitol Visitor Center, and the Mall memorials and the monument are free.  Why?  Federal tax dollars.
 
Years ago, something was chewing on those blasted non-natives.  People were in a tizzy.  Who would do such vandalism?  What would have been a better word.  Look no further than Castor canadensis, the North American beaver.  Frankly, I was cheering for the rodents.  There was a wonderful photograph of one of them enjoying floating in its very own pool, the Tidal Basin.  They don’t seem to have made a return visit.
 
The weeds should be leafed out in a couple of weeks.  The hordes, and the humor they provide, will be here through Labor Day.  Stay tuned.


 
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