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Broke Wife, Big City
What My Kids
Did On My Summer Vacation
By Aprill Brandon
Hey! Hi! How are you?! We are Aprill’s kids! And we want to tell you
all about what we did on our summer vacation.
This summer was great! We did so many fun things! And we did all those
fun things for roughly an hour and 15 minutes before having dual
marathon meltdowns! Mommy said this was because when we get
overstimulated we turn into evil swamp demons! She’s so funny!
Like any good summer vacation, ours started early, with a trip in
mid-May to visit family far away. We even got to fly in an airplane!
Surprisingly, we both behaved extremely well during the flight. So, of
course, we made up for that by refusing to sleep in the beds provided
for us every night! And instead crawled into the bed our parents were
sleeping in, not letting them get any sleep for seven nights straight!
Because who needs sleep on summer vacation?! Who doesn’t love waking up
to a baby foot in your mouth and a toddler foot buried in your rib
cage?!
On Mommy’s birthday in June, we went to a pond to swim. Except neither
one of us wanted to get wet. Because we can all agree that the best
part of going to any body of water in the summer is baking in the hot
sun while sitting on sand the temperature of lava!
There were also a bunch of little day trips this summer to fun and
exciting places! Where we’d get in the car and complain, and then we’d
get out of the car and complain, and then we’d go do stuff and we’d
complain, and then our parents would finally give up and say “fine,
we’ll go home!” and then we’d complain about not wanting to go home.
Traveling truly is a priceless experience!
We also spent a lot of time this summer at the library. We did so many
interesting things there, like pretending to listen to books during
storytime but really just trying to steal the other kids’ snacks.
We also did a bunch of fun stuff at home!
One of our favorite things to do was climb all over Mommy when it was
92 degrees out with a humidity level of one thousand. This was
especially fun that week that the air conditioner broke! The best part
of this game was Mommy would pretend to get mad and holler “get off
me!” but that just meant she wanted us to do it more!
And what is any good summer vacation without some cool treats?
Even though Mommy forced us to eat our popsicles outside, sticky melted
popsicle juice still magically appeared inside. Mommy said bad words.
It was so funny! We laughed and laughed and smeared our disgusting
sticky hands all over the TV and then laughed some more. Which is why
we repeated this exact same scenario with ice cream.
Speaking of the TV, we also spent a lot of time this summer whining and
crying about wanting to watch very specific movies! Even though we have
already seen those specific movies 78 times! And when Mommy finally
relented, we would watch exactly 17 minutes of the movie before
deciding to ignore it because climbing the bookshelves that are
definitely not attached to the wall seemed way more fun. Even though
this activity was bound to end in certain death!
The best part of this summer is that it’s not even over yet! In two
weeks we will actually be going on real vacation even though all the
cool and important people of the world are already done vacationing.
SOMEONE (and I’m not mentioning names although it rhymes with “if you
don’t like it plan it yourself next time”) was a bit late in trying to
book a place to stay anywhere close to water and so was stuck with
dates at the end of August.
We can’t tell you how excited we are to yet again share a room with our
Mommy and Daddy and not let them get a wink of sleep! It’s the kind of
stuff memories would be made of if they weren’t brain dead from chronic
sleep loss.
Now most people feel sad when summer vacation comes to an end. But not
us! Since neither one of us is in school yet, these good times can keep
right on rolling into the fall. And winter! And spring! And next
summer! And next fall! And next...
Can’t get enough of Aprill? Can’t wait until next week?
Check out her website at http://aprillbrandon.com/
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