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those of the author and do not
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Broke Wife, Big City
There’s always
tomorrow
By Aprill Brandon
I have never wanted to star in a reality TV show. I have happily
hate-watched enough of them to ever wish that kind of scrutiny on
myself.
Imagine my surprise, then, when I had kids and suddenly realized I was
one.
Every day of my life now is pretty much the kids binge-watching their
favorite reality show, “Keeping Up With Momma’s Sanity.” Followed by
the spin-off, “Here Comes Vodka.”
Those adorable little sponges absorb every single little thing I do
with their big eyes. And then repeat everything I say with their even
bigger mouths (including curse words they “may” have overheard a
“certain” parent say).
Which is why I want to be a good example for my children. I really do.
I want to be the friggin’ best example of humanity that has ever
existed for them. But since that will never happen (I once told my
entire second grade class that Santa didn’t exist), I’ll settle for
trying to be the best version of myself for my kids.
Here’s who I want to be. I want to be the loving dog owner who is
always patient and kind with her aging dog, Buffy. The kind of owner
who never gets annoyed with his incessant, loud barking because she
knows his eyesight and hearing is going and so every fast movement and
loud sound is clearly a gang of pirates attacking the house, which can
only be stopped by his heroic barking efforts.
I want to be the loving mother who keeps her cool at dinner when both
kids are complaining about the home-cooked meal placed in front of
them, even though they also complained about lunch. And breakfast. And
every meal the day before. And the day before that. And everything I
have placed in front of their mouth holes that wasn’t chocolate since
the day they came into existence.
I want to be the confident professional(ish) writer who works hard and
leaves a beautiful published legacy for her family.
I want to be the loving wife who definitely doesn’t bury her husband
under an angry verbal avalanche of “guess what YOUR children did
today?” as soon as he walks in the door.
But here’s who I am.
I am the loving dog owner who patiently tolerates my aging dog Buffy’s
panicked barking...up to a certain point. And then I will yell back
“SHUT UP, BUFFY! AH! YOU’RE KILLING ME! YOU’RE *definitely not a curse
word* KILLING ME!”
I am the loving mother who once snapped and threw both kids’ dinner
plates out the window.
I am the professional(ish) writer who, when suffering from a bout of
writer’s block, slams shut her computer and yells “WORDS ARE DUMB” and
then hides in the kitchen to shove unhealthy amounts of cheese in her
mouth.
I am the loving wife who also assaults her husbands with verbal
tsunamis, verbal monsoons and, on one particularly bad day, a verbal
tornado (when he was still in the driveway).
Sigh.
It’s enough to keep a girl up at night worrying about whether or not
she’s ruining her kids.
But then I remind myself that, from time to time, I’m also the mom who
will spend hours every day reading books to her children until they get
sick of it (and they never do). And I am Darth Vader Momma, who will
have light saber fights with Stormtrooper Riker with one hand while
holding Baby Yoda Mae in the other, and even resists the urge to
correct her 3-year-old on why this situation goes against “Star Wars”
canon.
I’m also the loving dog owner who carries her dog up and down the
stairs when the temperature drops too low, kicking his arthritis into
high gear. And then gives him all the mashed potatoes her daughter
didn’t eat because him such a good wittle puppeh, isn’t him? And then
quietly cleans up the vomit the next day because his aging system can
no longer handle human food.
I am the unconfident writer barely scraping by who still writes and
never stops writing because she loves it. And then fiercely hates it.
And then loves it again.
And I am the loving wife who makes naughty stick figure drawings for
her husband and sticks them in his briefcase.
I am a work in progress. And ultimately, perhaps that’s the best lesson
of humanity I could teach my children. That no one is perfect but every
day is another chance to be a better person.
Eh...nah. It’d be much better if I was just a much better human
overall. One who didn’t eat her kid’s last chicken nugget when they
weren’t looking.
But still, every day is another chance to be a better person.
Can’t get enough of Aprill? Can’t wait until next week?
Check out her website at http://aprillbrandon.com/
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