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Broke Wife, Big City
25 Things I Won’t Feel Bad About For Anymore
By Aprill Brandon

I don’t know about you but it seems that I am always feeling bad about something. An awkward social interaction, losing my patience with my kids, eating anything that is not kale. I mean, not even 15 minutes ago, I was feeling awful because I spilled lukewarm coffee on my toddler and then dropped a meatball on my baby’s face.

But the older I get, the more I realize that embarrassment and guilt are pretty much useless feelings unless truly earned (and those who truly should feel embarrassed or guilty almost never do). Not to mention, constantly feeling “bad” for minor things drains all my already limited energy stores as the mom of two small children who think 5 a.m. is a perfectly acceptable wake-up time. 

I’m determined to end this vicious first world problem. Because life is too short. And everyone accidentally tells their mailman “bye, love you!” (Right? Anyone? Hello? Just me then?)

So, here is the list of things I will no longer feel bad about (and neither should you).

1. Giving a crappy tip for crappy service.
2. Wearing my makeup to bed because I’m too tired to take it off.
3. Eating the last cookie.
4. Wearing skimpy outfits in the summer regardless of how my body looks because it’s a thousand degrees out with humidity of a million.
5. Spending too much money at Christmas.
6. Being stingy the rest of the year.
7. Not smiling when some random dude on the street says “smile!”
8. Making my family eat leftovers three days in a row.
9. Flipping off my toddler when he’s not looking after he gets an attitude about some very important juice issue.
10. Leaving the house without my kids even though they are crying and begging me to stay.
11. Making others feel guilty about not recycling. (We only get one planet, y’all).
12. Having sad “I breastfed two babies” boobs.
13. Not throwing a big blowout birthday party for my baby. She couldn’t care less so neither will I.
14. Calling out sexist, racist and homophobic comments when I hear them from both strangers and loved ones alike.
15. My neighbors (or anyone, really) hearing me yell at my kids.
16. Hunkering down in the air conditioning on really hot days and letting my kids watch movies all day.
17. Refusing to let my kids watch TV the next day no matter how much they beg to make up for it.
18. Taking lots of photos of me and my family but only posting the ones where I look good.
19. Letting the occasional curse word slip in front of my kids.
20. Mentally mocking the teenage couple sitting across from me as I write this who are having a very public fight about “Nicole from homeroom.”
21. Not knowing any music past 2006.
22. Liking man buns. I do! I don’t care who knows! I likes what I likes.
23. Mocking the fact that the teenage couple is now hard core making out.
24. Having to Google most acronyms and emojis I see online now.
25. Being, looking and feeling my age.

Can’t get enough of Aprill? Can’t wait until next week?
Check out her website at http://aprillbrandon.com/


 
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