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Broke Wife, Big City
Kid(not)napped
By Aprill Brandon
Funny title, huh? Ha-ha! HA-HA-HA! Oh yeah, LAUGH IT UP, CHUCKLES. My
entire life is ruined but I’m glad YOU find it so hilarious.
Oh man. Wow. Sorry, you guys. That was uncalled for. It’s just, I’m
exhausted, you know? From all the not sleeping my oldest is doing.
I knew this day would come. I mean, he’s almost 4-years-old. He napped
longer than a lot of kids do. And, as that famous Robert Frost poem
goes, “nothing gold can stay.” And silence is golden. Right? Or
something. So, it has to go away. Eventually. Or something. I don’t
know. I’M SO TIRED, YOU GUYS.
But knowing that kids eventually stop napping doesn’t make it any
easier to deal with. I also know that kids are messy eaters but that
doesn’t mean I also don’t cry a little bit every Spaghetti Wednesday at
our house.
Honestly it wouldn’t even be that bad except that my youngest is on the
short list for the prize of “Crappiest Napper Of All Time.” The first
year of her life, she would only nap if someone was holding her. It
took months to get her to nap in her crib, followed by even more months
of training to get her to nap in her crib for more than 12 minutes.
So it only makes sense that now that she is finally napping like a
normal human baby, her brother doesn’t want to nap anymore because WHY
SHOULD MOMMY BE ABLE TO WATCH A TV SHOW WITH CURSE WORDS AND GRATUITOUS
NUDITY!?
What these kids don’t realize is that nap time is not for their
benefit. It’s not for their physical and mental health. It’s not for
their overall well-being.
It’s for MINE.
I need, NEED, that hour or two alone so that I can make it through the
day without throwing a tantrum or having a breakdown. Just a small
window of time where no one is yelling “MOMMA!” Where no one needs
anything. Where no one is being a tiny, nosy, little Sherlock Holmes
and asking “Momma, why are you hiding in the kitchen? Are you eating
cheese again? Can I have some?”
IT’S MY CHEESE! MINE!
I try to remind myself that I should just relax and enjoy these
all-too-short early years before they start school and sports and
having even more opinions. I mean, I love them so much. Both my kids
are amazing human beings and I should really be viewing this, the end
of the nap era, as a wonderful opportunity to spend even more time with
my oldest baby who is not so much a baby anymore.
Ah. It’s a nice thought.
But then my kids holler “Momma!” 62 times in eight minutes and destroy
the entire living room with a single Go-Gurt and I start crying as I
search through my closet for all the black clothes I can wear in
official mourning of the naps’ untimely demise.
Sigh.
At least I have my memories of those two glorious golden weeks where
they both napped at the same time and, for the first time in almost
four years, I was able to pluck my eyebrow and make two of them again.
Can’t get enough of Aprill? Can’t wait until next week?
Check out her website at http://aprillbrandon.com/
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