From Karen Brooks
very quietly confided to my best
friend that I was having an affair.
turned to me and asked, ‘Are you
having it catered’?
that, my friend, is the definition
before the funeral services, the
undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
old was your husband?’
she replied: ‘Two years older
you’re 96,’ the undertaker commented.
responded, ‘Hardly worth going
home, is it?’
interviewing a 104-year-old
what do you think is the best
thing about being 104?’ the reporter asked.
simply replied, ‘No peer
sure gotten old!
had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
half blind, can’t hear anything
quieter than a jet engine,
40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
bouts with dementia.
poor circulation; hardly feel my
hands and feet anymore.
remember if I’m 85 or 92.
lost all my friends. But, thank
still have my driver’s license.
feel like my body has gotten totally
out of shape,
I got my doctor’s permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
decided to take an aerobics class
bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up
and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
the time I got my leotards on, the
class was over.
elderly woman decided to prepare
her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.
she wanted to be cremated, and
second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
the preacher exclaimed.
I’ll be sure my daughters visit
me twice a week’
memory’s not as sharp as it used to
my memory’s not as sharp as it
used to be.
how to prevent sagging?
eat till the wrinkles fill
scary when you start making the
same noises as your coffee maker.
days about half the stuff in my
shopping cart says, ‘For fast relief.’
me the senility to forget the
never liked anyway,
good fortune to run into the ones
I do, and
eyesight to tell the difference.
I think you’re supposed to share
this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your
if you can remember who they are!
don’t stop laughing because you
grow old because you stop laughing...