Global Warming
© By Abraham Lincoln 

Global Warming is here but this winter, for me, has been a cold one — like a lot of people: I can’t get warm. 

Our government is making new climate zone maps so people will be able to plant in their zone sooner rather than later. The planting shifts will make the 21st Century a hot one. The last time they changed the planting zone maps was in 1990 — that’s how fast our climate is changing. 

Those political one-percenters will be happy when all of us crank up the thermostat to stay cooler longer in the summer and warmer in the winter. They will rake in even larger profits and bicker, among themselves, on ways to look like climate change is costing them a fortune. 

I have kept a daily journal for decades and I write down the morning temperature with the time. I can go back to a specific day in almost any decade and tell you what the temperature was that morning. 

Global Warming has a lot to do with the sinking economy. Politicians talk about digging a new pipeline across Canada or rebuilding our infrastructure — just talk. 

Global Warming creates a need for more money to buy everything from energy efficient homes to electric cars. If you got a job you can get the car and house. 

Frankly, our climate changes all the time. If you have lived very long you have lived through all kinds of weather. To pick out The Little Ice Age as an example of a cooling planet, is easy but nobody wrote down what it was like, back then, to find enough fuel to keep the fires going in the caves. It was just a job. 

The seed catalog companies have already sent me more catalogs than ever before. Either their marketing departments know something about the simmering summer of 2012 that I don’t know or they want to sell seeds suited to a warmer climate. 

America has been lucky: we have not been bombed or invaded by foreign powers. Most of what makes us great is your neighbor next door; and China. I don’t know how China is making it through Global Warming but they still got lots of money to loan. 

The only real change I have seen is the grass didn’t grow much last summer. Patty didn’t have to mow every week and sometimes she didn’t mow for three or four weeks in a row. 

The birds that usually stay over the winter went somewhere, because they were not around our house eating at our feeders. I always put a suet cake out for woodpeckers, robins, and wrens, whose diet is insect meat, but the suet cakes lasted all winter and I have one not yet opened. 

This winter has been very nice. I guess we did have some snow but I do not recall the salt truck going up and down our streets like they have in the past. There was no snow plowing on Ankara Avenue this winter. 

Spring is supposed to get here soon. Maybe it will be spring on April Fool’s Day this year?