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Hello and Goodbye
By Mona Lease

Hi, all!! Memorial Day weekend was great. My son drove up from Florida. As a family - we camped out and through a joint effort - we made Dad's famous "Bluegrass Stew" - cooked over an open fire. In the vein of laughter and good times - I submit the following to you.

Memorial Day weekend has long been the "unofficial start of the boating season."  So for all of you boaters, skiers, etc. - wear your life jackets, keep your boat well maintained and no drinking and water sporting! Distance is deceptive on the water - it might look like you could "just swim over there" - until you try it.

Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.

If you are Compulsive-Obsessive: Press #1 repeatedly.
If you are Co-Dependent: Have someone press #2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities: Press #3,4,5,&6.
If you are paranoid: We know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional: Press #7 and the call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are Schizophrenic: Listen carefully and the small voice will tell you what number to push.
If you are manic-depressive: It doesn't matter what number you push - no one will answer the phone.
If you are dyslexic: Press 6969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder: Fidget with the hash key until a representative answers the phone.
If you have amnesia: Please state your name, address, phone number, birth date, social security number, and your maiden name.
If you have short term memory loss: Please press #9.
If you have short term memory loss: Please press #9.
If you have short term memory loss: Please press #9.
If you have short term memory loss: Please press #9.
If you have low self-esteem: Please hang up the phone. All of our operators are too busy to talk to you.

10 Large Breed Dogs That Are Really Gentle

Great Dane  30-37" high          Burnese Mountain Dog   23-28" high
Saint Bernard  25-28"  high          Bull Mastiff  25-27" high
Newfoundland  25-29" high          Leonberger  25-32" high
Irish Wolfhound  32-34" high          Old English Sheepdog  20-24" high
Great Pyrenees  25-32" high          Great Swiss Mnt Dog  23-29" high

I added the dog breeds to show that you can not judge by appearances - they are deceiving.

Lastly - RIP to B.B. KIng. His career spanned well over 50 years. He was regarded as one of the most influential blues guitarists of all time. He and his guitar, Lucille, introduced a sophisticated soloing technique based on fluid string bending and a shimmering vibrato that influenced most electric blues guitarists that followed.

Also - RIP to Anne Meara. She started with her husband - Jerry Stiller. Anne had a 60 year career with roles on Rhoda, All in the Family, Archie Bunker's Place, Sex and the City, King of Queens, and Law & Order - to name a few.

Say good-bye readers to a couple of artists who gave us their best for as long as they could - no boring sex or dirty jokes (that I know). Maybe that's the lesson here: "Funny" is always in style. Sex and dirty jokes are not.

Remember the kiddies and our service people. Take good care of the furry and feathered ones out there. Be safe and healthy. See ya next time. Ever Toodles!! MONA


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