senior scribes

Mind, Body, Soul
Rose-Colored Glasses
By Mona Lease

Greetings, Gals!! Another reader wants to express the following.

"I always thought all of my relationship problems with males were the males' fault. I thought my failed marriages were the males' fault. But, that's not true.

I took a backward look. What is true is that I had a preconceived mold that I thought all men were capable of filling. Again, that's not true. It was only my set of ideas. Which is not entirely wrong.

I did not look closely enough at the men. I did not look long enough either. I did not consider any of their capabilities. Not every man out there is a mechanic with the ability to listen to an engine and tell what is wrong with it.

Not every man can balance a checkbook with a pen and paper. Not every man is good at math. Not every man cares if the bills are paid on time.

Not every man cares about his reputation or what the neighbors think. Not every man will tell the truth about an argument. Not every man will watch your back all of the time. Not every man will take the fall for you - even if the fall is his to take.

Not every man will fight fairly. Not every man will paint you in the best possible light to others. Not every man will say this or that is his fault if it is his fault.

Men will do all of the right things in the beginning of a relationship. Women will do all of the right things in the beginning of a relationship. I guess I took off my rose-colored glasses. What a shock!!

Looking at the world now, without the rose-colored glasses; it's a whole new picture. I believe what happened is this:

You have one person (me) who is all "love will keep us together," all mushy-gushy and continually thinking about and "celebrating" the love they feel. The celebrating could be a card, a special dinner, special clothes; it could be anything like this. And there's nothing wrong with this in itself.

What is wrong with this is when the guy was not raised this way. If he grew up in a home where love was not celebrated for love's sake - he'll never understand the concept of "stoking the fire" to keep the love alive.

Another possibility is the man just does not believe in being that flamboyant. Somehow they just believe that you're only supposed to need one or two pair of shoes and one winter coat. And you need to change the drapes every ten years or so.

All of this thinking is ok. It's even allowed and touted as "the way" to live conservatively. Then I realized something. This all looked like a game of Match that I used to play as a child (you turn cards over on a table so you only see the back sides of the cards. Taking turns, you turn over two cards. If they match, you turn over two more. If they do not match, another person goes. The trick is to remember where the cards are so you can make matches on your turn.). Think about this.

If you have a person who celebrates being alive and someone who only celebrates Christmas and July 4th; you should know this combination will not work. It's not a "match." Whatever the initial draw was, whether the relationship is a match or not will surface. Will I put my rose-colored glasses back on my face? No!! To me, this answers all of my questions. It's been answering questions about others I've been watching. Had I not had the glasses on; I would not be in the situation in which I currently find myself."

Sometimes all you need is for someone to just be there, even if they can't solve your problems. Just knowing there is someone who cares can make all the difference.

The best is yet to be!! MONA

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