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Wait… what?
From a CNO reader

All the below are true stories and have happened to me over the last 69 years....

Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number? 
 
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water. 
 
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.  Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. 
 
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me very attractive.   
 
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.   
 
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body.  Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.   
 
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.   
 
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?  
 
America is a country which produces citizens who will cross an ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.   
 
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.   
 
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll just see about that.   
 
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name. I saw it on her computer through my telescope last night.
 
Money talks ... but all mine ever says is good-by.
 
You're not fat!  You're just... easier to see.
 
If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.


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