senior scribes

Mind, Body, Soul
Leopards and Zebras
By Mona Lease

Greetings, Gals!! A hearer of this column wanted to share her experiences and thoughts.

"It seemed like all of the guys I knew and were around, were wrong. They were all liars, cheaters and such. Then I went through a really bad time in my life. After finally getting through it all...I realized a  few things.

We do not live in a "caste system." If you want to change your life...your income bracket...your residence...your choice of "spouse material" are free to do so. If all you see are the same male cheaters and such...go to another location.

I learned that if you find a man (or woman) in a behavior...any behavior...when you meet them...and it later becomes undesirable to you...they are not going to quit that behavior entirely. They will return to that behavior in times of stress, sickness, etc. It's what they's how they handle's how they celebrate. Take a couple of steps back and watch. If a person tells you they have changed their undesirable behavior...drinking...fighting and such....wait and watch. They really only rearrange their spots (leopard) or stripes (zebra). Watch how they handle a challenge to their ideas or authority (real or imagined). Pay attention to how they handle responsibility. Do they admit their wrongs or do they blame someone else?

Do the guys you've been involved with paint beautiful pictures of your life together and never deliver? Do they make things all your fault..."we could have done this or that but you wanted to redo the bathroom...go on a weekend trip, etc? (This is really a communication problem. How do you keep goals in mind?)."

Another thing that went through my mind was: "Am I accepting less than what I want because I am lonely or bored or because it seems like all of my friends have mates and I have no one?

I also had to consider myself. Not every man could be flawed and I was always perfect. That could not be right...could it? I started looking at my actions and responses. When we were out and I was not did not have to always be the way I drove to WalMart...did it? We did not have to take my short-cuts...did we? I timed it once. My short-cut saved us two minutes. Two minutes might only matter if I was having a heart attack. I'd be waiting in a check-out line longer than that!!

Probably the most profound thought was being alone. Was that why I "accepted" relationships that did not satisfy me? Was I listening to others and the media tell me their opinion of my needing a mate? I started considering and applying the following to my life. It's pretty amazing. I'm not telling you to leave a relationship or stay in a relationship.

Nine Reasons Being Alone is Good For You: (1)Being alone clears your mind. There's a lot of chatter in our daily lives. (2)Being alone fosters creativity. The mind is free to explore and wander. (3)Being alone builds confidence. You have to take care of yourself. (4)Being alone encourages independence. (5)Being alone clarifies perceptions. (6)Being alone diminishes stress and anxiety. (7)Being alone establishes priorities. (8)Being alone boosts productivity. (9)Being alone strengthens relationships. You lean on yourself which leaves relationships free to be easy... without a "responsibility" attached.

I realized that even if you are in a can modify the above for a more peaceful atmosphere."

Sometimes all you need is for someone to just be there, even if they can't solve your problems. Just knowing there is someone who cares can make all the difference. -

The best is yet to be!! MONA

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