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Along Life’s Way
Going
Whole Hog for Love: A Fable
© 2018 Lois E. Wilson
At age 26 Priscilla Pig still wore pigtails like a child, but she was
not naïve. She wanted to marry and did not desire to choose a pig in a
poke. She was afraid of being hog-tied to a bad situation.
She had been dating and studying the available bachelors. Priscilla was
particular about the kind of spouse she envisioned and was beginning to
worry that she might never find a suitable one. When she started her
search, she had a long list of possible candidates. For various
reasons, she eliminated names from the list.
She was an excellent chef. There was a bachelor who pigged out, ate
like a pig, and preferred slop to her prepared healthful meals. He got
crossed off the list in a hurry. She wanted to eat high on the hog.
Another beau was rejected because he rode a Hog motorcycle. He always
reeked of sweat and smelled like a pig.
One of her dates claimed to have a college degree, but he incessantly
talked hogwash. In fact, he was a complete boar. Priscilla axed him
from her list along with a road hog who lived in a pigpen of a sty.
She had gone out regularly with a suitor who was on the pigskin
circuit. On one road trip, he went hog wild and was seen with a pig in
a blanket. She refused to trust or tolerate a two-timer and abruptly
ended their relationship.
She had long ago decided that she would only choose a husband who had a
full piggybank. She longed for a sturdy home made of bricks like the
pig’s house in the story. She found such a candidate—but he turned out
to be too pigheaded. She X-ed him out.
Then there was the male chauvinist pig. He had a big ego and treated
her like dirt. Priscilla vowed that she would never wallow in the mud
for any husband.
She had almost resigned herself to living her life alone when she found
a candidate that fit all her standards and requirements. He was her
perfect soul mate. The two of them were like pigs in clover. They
married and lived happily ever after.
Moral: If you want to live in hog heaven, always choose a partner who
meets your goals and will reliably bring home the bacon.
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