Teen to Teen Talk
Affirmation
by Elizabeth Horner 

Television loves the drama of long, will-they-or-won’t-they romances. And for hit comedy show, New Girl, the tension between title character Jess and her roommate Nick is no exception. During a favorite episode of mine, when it seemed like they might actually declare their relationship, the two of them sat across from one another at a bar trading compliments back and forth. Nick revealed that he found it attractive when Jess asked him for help opening jars, and Jess mentioned, in turn, that she actually kind of liked it when he gargled with his beer. Now, I don’t have much to say about either of these habits, but I think there is something important about their exchange, whether you are a fan of the series or not. 

Everyone has moments of contention with their family, friends, and significant others, and though “changing someone” in their essentials might seem tempting, I think most of us have come to realize that we love or learned to love and accept the people in our lives for exactly who they are. That being said, if there are a few behaviors you especially appreciate in others, telling them in specific terms might encourage them to do that more often--- as evidenced by the fact Nick very pointedly gargled his beer when they came home that evening. 

I know I have personally benefitted from the little side notes teachers put on my papers when they returned them at the end of class. Not just “good job” or “needs work”, but the times that they underlined one sentence out of twenty and said that they really appreciated how descriptive it was. One of my parlor tricks is to recite whole pages of books off the top of my head to new friends, and when they, in turn, ask me to do this in front of their friends and family, it encourages me to perform the same routine in front of others, even if some people probably get annoyed by it. 

Relationships are a tricky business, but the healthiest ones--- and the most stable--- are formed when there is a mutual desire between both parties involved to make one another happy. It becomes important, then, to not just take compliments, but to listen to them, and to ask for feedback when you can. There is also something immensely satisfying about knowing that a certain action on your part can bring pleasure to others, as if we’ve understood, just a little more, the cause and effect nature of the universe. 

I think looking for the traits that we like in other people is also a good way of reframing our psyche. So many things pass over us in a day--- the efficient manner in which the grocery store worker bagged groceries, the neat edge to the grass that your father mows every week so you have grown accustomed to it, the way your mom makes a point to say “good night” to you every evening; it just seems like we never feel the presence of these actions unless it is through becoming aware of their absence. 

Compliments, both of the giving and receiving kind, ingrain good habits of behavior just a little more firmly in our lives--- but it is important that they be both timely and specific. It’s a start to know that the world is a beautiful place; I’m sure the world would like you to tell it why you think so.