|
|
 |
|
The views expressed on this page are soley
those of the author and do not
necessarily represent the views of County
News Online
|
 |
Broke Wife, Big City
Date night
By Aprill Brandon
For a 10-year-old who used to fantasize about going on elaborate dates
with Jonathan Taylor Thomas to an almost excessive degree, I grew up to
be a not very romantic adult. Take Valentine’s Day, for instance. I’ve
never been a big fan. I don’t like a holiday dictating when I should
shave my legs.
Or Sweetest Day, for that matter. What is this thing? Valentine’s Day
2: Buy Harder?
Not that I think there’s anything wrong with romance, per se. It’s just
I’m more a believer in spontaneous romance. The unexpected slow dance
in the living room. The bouquet of flowers on a random Monday. The “I’m
bringing pizza home for dinner!” text.
Followed by the “And beer!” text.
Which probably explains my whole “thing” about date night.
See, kids, when a man and a woman love each other very much, they spend
a boatload on tulle and fancy almonds so they can get married. And then
they do a special hug, which results in children and never being able
to pee alone again. And, after awhile, although the man and the woman
still love each other, they kind of forget they are actual human beings
and not just cogs in a butt wiping factory.
Which is why date night was invented.
If you talk to most parents, they will say that hiring a babysitter and
going out for an evening is vitally important to your relationship so
that you and your partner can reconnect and remember that at one point
you could carry on an entire conversation that didn’t involve the words
“poop” or “smear” or “we’ll probably have to move, that smell is never
coming out.” And I’m not here to argue that. I agree with date nights
in theory.
It’s just that when you have kids, especially young kids, it doesn’t
matter if you want to go out or not. It doesn’t matter if you’re
exhausted or not in the mood or already had big plans to eat an entire
cheesecake while watching “Cougar Town” once the kids were asleep. You
simply force yourself to go out if and when some idiot agrees to watch
your adorable, ridiculous children (who just invented a game where you
chase them around with a flashlight for six hours straight).
Which is why my husband and I went on a date night last week when my
mom was visiting from out of town. The last thing we wanted to do was
reconnect. We wanted dual naps while an IV dripped vodka into our
veins. But what did we do? We went out because, hey, we had bagged us
an idiot.
Now, I don’t know how your date nights usually go, but ours usually
follows the same script. The conversation always starts off awkward.
Me: Hey.
Him: Hey.
Then we actually look at each other and it gets even worse.
Me: Have you always
had that much white in your beard?
Him: When’s the
last time you brushed your hair?
Then we spend a few minutes venting.
Me: If your
daughter takes her diaper off one more time, we’re not paying for her
college.
Him: He keeps
headbutting my crotch. I know I can’t do it back to him but, seriously,
just one time and he’d probably stop.
Then it gets lame:
Me: God, I’m so
tired.
Him: So tired.
Real lame.
Me: I mean, just so
tired.
Him: How long have
we been gone?
Me (checks watch):
12 minutes.
And then we remember that alcohol exists.
Me: I’ll take a
bottle of Merlot.
Bartender: To share?
Me: Hahahaha
Him: What is the
closest thing I can pour into my mouth? I’ll take three.
Bartender: Uh...
Which quickly leads to things like:
Me: I am going to
finish my novel this year. I’ll write nights, weekends, whatever it
takes.
Him: Yes, you need
to. I’ve always thought so. You’re talented even if you don’t think so.
Me: Well, so are
you! Look at all you’ve accomplished so far. All you do for us, it’s
just...
Him: Well, I
couldn’t do it without you by my side. *cheers*
And later:
Me: I LOVE YOU SO
#$%@*&^ MUCH.
Him: YOU ARE MY
EVERYTHING! AM I TALKING TOO LOUD?
Me: NO, NOT AT ALL.
And that is ultimately why we drag our exhausted, bedraggled asses out
on date night. Even if we don’t want to. Because in the end it is
necessary. Because it works. Because before all of us there was a we. A
we with hopes and dreams and passions and unique personalities and a
much higher tolerance for alcohol.
And sometimes we forget.
Can’t get enough of Aprill? Can’t wait until next week?
Check out her website at http://aprillbrandon.com/
|
|
|
|
