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(Don't Break)
The Chain
By Mona Lease
Hi, all!! I received a phone call one day last week. A young girl -
maybe 28 years old - is all upset, stayed out all night and has a three
month old child the Father took care of in her absence. Ok readers - I
heard your first comments. They were some of my first thoughts, too.
Shameful as they may have been for me!! Then I got to studying on this
a spell. What would make a young Mother - a new, young Mother - stay
gone? What could a three month old child possibly have said or done
past "goo-goo-ga-ga" and a dirty diaper? Then it hit me. I submit the
following information to you that I sent to her. See what you think.
"Girl, it's natural to feel overwhelmed by all of the emotions and
feelings. Anger - maybe not at the baby. Maybe it's at yourself for not
realizing how much a child will impact your life - sleepless nights,
interrupted sleep pattern for you, new money spending patterns and a
new bath schedule for you (The personal time for you). There are Dr
visits for the baby and you. No longer can you just make plans for you
- what about the baby? Who will watch the baby. Who should watch the
baby? How much should you pay a baby-sitter? "
"There's anxiety, depression, restlessness, hopefulness, feeling elated
& deflated, feelings of inadequacy, feelings of not being worthy,
etc. And round it will all go unless you have someone to walk you
through all of this." (And you faithful readers - thanks, much...will
know that this is where I entered.)
And right about here is where I'd like to say thanks to Mrs. Heinrichs.
My other HomeEc teacher has gone on to her reward. These women taught
HomeEc at the Greenville Junior High School... two years - mandatory
classes. Mrs. Heinrichs has left the area. If anyone knows where she
is...tell her thanks for me. These women went above teaching and
brought it all "home"...real life...everyday life...sick
kiddies...irritable husband. What to do? Go in the kitchen and bake
homemade bread. "Ya gotta really pound the dough" is what we were told.
We were told it is a great way to work out the frustration. And I told
the young caller:
"One side of your brain tells you you are missing out on all of the
"fun." Remember all the good times?? The other side of your brain is
telling you that you are a Mother - saddle up and get it together.
Somewhere in all of this, the idea forms that your life is over - you
have to give up all you like to do. And that you'll never be able to do
all of this. (And you won't...not all at once.) Which ushers in
resentment...holding hands with anger. See how this all went in a
circle since I started with anger??"
"I told the young Mother that she can still have a good life - a
meaningful life. It's all a matter of scheduling the activities. I told
her to involve herself with other Mothers since she will be attending
school functions. I told her it's ok to go out for an hour or two to
regroup. It's not ok to stay out all night. I told her she just needs
someone to "show her the ropes." And I told her she has to make this
her walk...tailor the above information to her."
"Lastly, I said she is (and we all are or should be) growing and
evolving. Change is necessary or we become "stagnant."
Then I wondered: Is all of this - all of the feelings and emotions I
listed above (and those are but a few) - is that what causes people to
drive a drug-laden needle in their vein? Did they become "stagnant" at
some point and the right brain - left brain are at odds? Should someone
tell them to bake some home-made bread?
Remember the kiddies and our service people. Take good care of the
furry and feathered ones out there. Be safe and healthy. See ya next
time. Ever Toodles!! MONA
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