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A Three-Pronged
Message
By Mona Lease
Hi, all!!! Every time of the year is probably a bad time.
Fun-in-the-sun and no one to share it with you. The holidays are
especially bad. Christmas, New Year's Eve (no special one to kiss in
the new year), Valentine's Day - all are geared to love, spending money
to show your love, and such. With that in mind:
Prong One: I've "been there"...no special lover...just me. This time of
year makes all the lonely feelings amplified. Everyone seems to we
walking around in twos. Then I got a crazy idea. Buy yourself something
you've always wanted. Wrap it. And make yourself wait until Christmas
Day. Yeah - you know what is in that wrapped gift. Resist the
temptation to open it. Watch your anticipation build. Plan something
special with it...go out to a movie with your new watch...or whatever.
Prong Two: "I Jumped Off The Golden Gate Bridge:" Since
1937, over 2,000 people have died at the Golden Gate Bridge. I feel
lucky to be alive every singe day. The Golden Gate Bridge is one of the
most frequently used places in the world to die by suicide."
"Over 2,000 people have jumped to their death since it's opening. Of
the thousands that have died off the Golden Gate Bridge, I am of the
one-percent who have survived."
"So I was born on drugs and premature. And then I bounced around from
home to home. Nobody wanted to keep me because I was sick. And I got
lucky. I landed in the home of Patrick and Deborah Hines. I had a great
childhood. I thought, growing up, that everything was gonna be great.
And then at 17, it all came crashing down."
"If you can imagine feeling that everyone around you is out to get
you...trying to hurt you, trying to kill you. And you believe that to
be the truth."
"From the extreme paranoia, I exhibited symptoms of mania. From the
mania came the hallucinations...both auditory and visual. And so with
that came the bipolar disorder. I just was spiraling out of control. I
vividly remember writing my suicide note."
"People don't get it. I thought I was a burden to everyone who loved
me. Because that's what my brain told me; because that's how powerful
your brain is."
"I got off the bus. I walked slowly down the walkway to the Golden Gate
Bridge. You know, people rode by me, drove by me, walked by me. And a
woman approached me and said, "Will you take my picture?" She said
"thanks" and she walked away."
"It was at that moment that I just said, "Nobody cares." The reality
was that everybody cared. I just couldn't see it. I ran forward,
and using my two hands, I catapulted myself into a freefall."
"What I'm about to say is the exact same thing that nineteen Golden
Gate Bridge jump survivors have also said. The millisecond my hands
left the rail, it was a regret. And I remember thinking, "No one is
going to know that I didn't want to die."
"In four seconds I fell 75 mph...25 stories and hit the water. I
was in the most physical pain I have ever experienced...I have ever
experienced. "
"The Coast Guard was amazing, he was just so freaked out that I was
alive that he just dove in and brought me on board. The guy said, "Do
you know how many people we pull out of the water that are already
dead?" I said, "No. And I don't want to know." The guy put his
hand on my forehead and said, "Kid, you're a miracle."
"My Father took one step in the hospital room and I looked up at him
and said, "Dad, I'm sorry." He said, "No Kevin, I'm sorry."
"And if you think about it, both of our immediate reactions were guilt.
Guilt that didn't belong to either of us. And even though I didn't die,
I caused people a great deal of pain. Just the day of my attempt still
sits with them today."
"I asked my Father if he still feared my death by suicide. He said
every time the phone goes off, his first inclination is, "Is Kevin
alive?" I have had that impact on my Dad." ````````````````
"After the jump, the road to recovery was pretty long. I had seven
psyche ward stays in the next eleven years. I still have all the
symptoms I've ever had: mania, depression, psychosis, hallucinations -
all that's still there. I just know how to cope with it and I know how
to beat it."
"I built a support network over those years of treatment so that I
wouldn't be fighting this alone. So, it's ok to not be ok. It's not ok
not to ask for someone to back you up."
"To the families who live with the loss or losses of loved ones - they
didn't do that to hurt you or destroy your life. They took their lives
because they were struggling and in a great deal of emotional and
mental pain."
"Suicide, mental illness, and addiction are the only diseases that we
blame the person for perpetually. But people die from suicide just like
they die from any other organ disease."
"Today, no matter the pain I'm in, no matter the struggles I experience
- I do believe that life is the greatest gift we've ever been given.
And if you're suffering mentally, don't wait like I did, sitting in
denial for so long. Because recovery happens. I'm living proof." -
Kevin Hines
1-800-273-8255....Suicide Hotline
1-877-226-3111....Addiction Hotline
1-844-228-2962....Eating Disorder Hotline
1-877-445-0628....Self Harm Hotline
1-888-640-5174....Depression Hotline
I'm told the following is an excerpt from a Lonesome Dove episode.
Darke County's own "Uncle Albert" has this to say about his daughter
Sierra's untimely death due to a farming accident a couple of days
before Thanksgiving...last week.
From Lonesome Dove: "Woodrow! You just don't ever get the point!! It's
not dying I'm talking about. It's living."
From "Uncle Albert:" "Among the overwhelming sadness that so many are
feeling, to whatever degree; the best thing we can do is influence
(those left here) and teach (those same ones) about the ones that are
now gone...what they stood for...what made them smile. Never
quit...never give up...never stop."
Remember the kiddies and our service people. Take good care of the
furry and feathered ones out there. Be safe and healthy. See ya next
week. Ever Toodles!! MONA
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